Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this blog post are my opinions. If you don't agree with them, that's your right, but I'm exercising my right to express them.
I've never been a 'believer'. I think it's fantastic that faith, in whatever religion, is of great comfort to some people and has helped them through some rough times, but it's not for me. I have felt even more strongly about this since Samuel died. If a God 'chooses' to take my Sam, but populates the world with rapists, murderers and other horrible people, then I don't want any part of them. That's not a 'plan' that I'm happy to participate in.
Advice for comforting the bereaved
In the many messages and cards that we received after Sam died, God got a mention. Now I don't mind "You're in our prayers", or "I'll pray for you"; I guess that gives the sender some comfort too. But personally, I'm not going to take much comfort in "God has taken him home" or "he's in a better place", or "it's all part of God's plan". I don't agree! He WAS home, he WAS in a really good place!
When I send a card to someone, I'm not likely to write things that might upset people, but it seems it's perfectly OK to bring religion into it. This seems unusual in a modern world where there are so many religions, and so many non-believers.
It probably sounds petty, but it was one of the things that upset me the most. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciated everyone sending messages, and as I said, they might like to pray themselves, but spare a thought for the people who already have so much on their minds.
So perhaps if you're sending a message, save the religious statements for those people you that you know share your beliefs: members of your family, people in your parish etc. For everyone else, "You're in our thoughts" is just fine.
Not that I need to explain anything, especially as far as my children are concerned, but as Mel's father, I totally agree with her.
ReplyDeleteBabies are not born with religion as part of their genetic makeup. Religion is passed on, taught, learned, hammered into small peoples brains, so that they eventually believe all they hear. I really pity any child born into a strictly religious family; they have no chance, and if they do rebel they can be outcasts in their own family. My children were "christened" because everyone was doing it, and I wasn't strong enough at the time to say no.
I also believe I should never have married in a church, but that wasn't going to happen either, because in the 1970's it was the thing to do, and everyone expected it. I take nothing away from the wonderful day we had on our wedding day, but that enjoyment had nothing to do with religion, as far as I'm concerned.
I once said to a friend, that I believed that when you die, "it's all black and no wings", and that I would come back and tell them so. Their answer was, "if it's all black and no wings, you won't be able to"!!!
Sam is not dead in my memories, and never will be, and I still wish he was here. We can't change what has happened, and no amount of religion and praying will make any difference for me and how I feel.
I agree with both of you.
ReplyDeleteI know that some people have certain beliefs and that is great but I don't think it's right to force those beliefs on others if they don't feel the same way.
"Uncle" Jezz
P.S. Mel, Dad just told me about this site and I have just read through it all, very heartfelt and well written...(And I thought I was the writer in the family!)