I had a bit of a moment last night.
Since I started taking the anti-depressants, my mood has certainly changed (as you've probably noticed). I'm a lot more alert, have tons of energy and am not so down all the time.
There have been some unexpected consequences though. Things that make me hope that I don't have to take them for long.
The first is that I seem to have lost my creative spark. I've had a bit of a writer's block, and I just don't seem to be taking as many good pictures as I was before. Perhaps it's true that the tortured mind is the most creative. I don't know where I heard that, but it makes sense, look at Kurt Cobain, Mozart, Van Gogh, Andy Warhol...
Not that I'm saying I'm in their league!
Anyway, all I know is that before I started taking these drugs, I was very low, but could pull out a good blog post without too much trouble. Now, It's a real struggle, and they never seem to read quite right for me.
The other consequence is that I have not been able to cry. And I mean at all. Not even a little bit; a single tear.
Until last night.
I don't know what set me off, but I had an overwhelming feeling of loss. Of missing Sam. And I had a good cry. Luckily my boys were there to give me cuddles, and I just let it out.
Don't worry, I feel better now, back to (my crazy version of) normal. But it was a good release.
Now to tackle the creativity thing...Do you think that being a little crazy (eccentric; off-centre; tortured; etc) is a necessity for creative thinking?
I wonder if these creative geniuses are eccentric because their brilliance isolates them from others? And maybe they didn't have the social skills to cope with the attention they got. That's my take on it anyway.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you were able to let it out. It it is cleansing to release the emotions. This road you are on is unpredictable, but you have good people around you like anthony who can help you steer when you can't see which way to go. We love you guys heaps xoxoxo Laura
oh I do I do! I've just come off antidepressants and trying to learn how to balance my own emotions again - it's a rough ride at times. But I have so many ideas - almost too many, but not the energy to follow through with them!
ReplyDeleteYou will find the creative spark again, the little happy pills can't kill it completely.
Well dearest girl, it's not just you. Mum and I haven't done much towards family history things either, since Sam died. Your thoughts just get taken up by other things. You'll be fine, we'll all be fine.
ReplyDeleteLove you all,
Dad & Mum