I've decided it's time to come off the anti-depressants.
When he first prescribed them, my GP suggested I stop taking them around October.
Well October came around and I really had to think about it for a while. Would it be better to wait until after December, when it had been a year since we lost Sam?
But what good would it do to wait? I have definitely appreciated the balance they have given me, but at the same time, I do want to be able to feel real emotions; and know I can deal with life without drugs.
So I've been back down on half doses for the last week or so. I won't say it hasn't made a difference because I've noticed that I am feeling things a bit more. I'm also thinking about Sam more.
None of the hills and trenches yet, but he's definitely on my mind more.
But, now that I've had a chance to sort through some things, that's not so bad. There are still so many things I want to remember about Sam, and write down. I think that is so much easier with a clear head.
Of course, I could be kidding myself and fall in a heap again. I don't think I will, but I just don't know.
So tomorrow's my last half pill. I'm going to give it two weeks and see how I go. I've still got a couple of prescription repeats if I need them, but I hope I won't.
Stick with me readers, I might have stuff to get off my chest.