Another journey is about to begin...

On Monday I start my new job. I'm very excited about it (and a bit nervous), but also sad about leaving the school I've worked at for the past 4 years.

The last couple of days have really opened my eyes to how much input I have had in this school. I know that I'm a good teacher and I work hard to develop relationships, but I've always just sort of cruised along, not really thinking I was that special (actually, that's a teeny lie, there have been times when I have done awesome things and felt like I deserved recognition). Some of it is my low self-esteem, but I feel funny when I'm blowing my own trumpet or drawing too much attention to myself.

It's different when I am running an assembly or speaking to the school community though. I'm quite confident then, and take great pleasure in hamming it up. The kids generally love it too. But when it comes to receiving compliments etc, I find it quite tricky. I like it, but I get a bit awkward about receiving and responding to so much positive communication!

And over the last few days, that seems to be the main thing that's happening. The staff keep telling me how much they'll miss me, parents are stopping me in the playground and telling me that I'll 'leave a big hole' in the school, and the kids are inundating me with everything from lovely handmade cards to presents to big hugs and lovely, kind words.

There's something nice about this 'outpouring'. It's a real ego boost and I really think it is going to help me in this self-improvement journey that I'm on.

Which is going pretty well, by the way. Since I started this health kick 9 weeks ago, I've lost almost 10 kilos, but it's more than that. On the health front, my skin and my hair feels great, I've got more energy, I am not having cravings for junky stuff. I'm actually enjoying exercise again, and feel sad when I can't get to my Zumba class!

I'm changing some of my other probably unhealthy habits too. I've been taking more care of my skin and hands, getting more sleep, keeping things a bit more organised and tidy, and doing more stuff just for me. This new job is going to take me in a new direction and I'm happy about that too. I'm even starting to get back a little of my creativity - the photos and (hopefully) the blog.

Sometimes I worry that I might be changing too much, especially for the people around me (that really seem to be standing still sometimes), and I guess that's something I'll have to tackle, but at the moment it's not a huge problem.

So tomorrow's my last day at school. I've got a feeling that it's going to be a nice day, surrounded by some really great people. I'll let you know how it goes.

Busy Busy Busy

I've been very busy lately. Thought I might update you on some of the things I've been doing. Because I've been moving stuff around, soon I'll be able to do more Sam posts! yay! But in the mean time...

Work
Work has been pretty busy lately. It's Book Week this week, so as the librarian I have been trying to get that organised. I have an assembly on Friday that I have to run, and of course I've had to find a suitable costume!!
A couple of years ago, I dressed up as Mrs. Trunchbull from Roald Dahl's Matilda:
Complete with riding crop and horrible fashion sense. I played the part well, even scaring a few kindergarten students.
It has been my most successful costume, and each year I have to try and top it (I haven't yet!). I'll let you know how I go this week!

Apart from that, I've been busy writing a couple of applications. The first was my transfer application for the new school being built not far from my house. I'd really love to work there in an exciting new school, and I've been working hard on that.

I have also been working on an application for the job I mentioned a couple of weeks ago. I'm happy to say that I was shortlisted for the job, and had a brief phone interview last week. I'm still waiting to hear about the outcome though! (keep your fingers crossed!)

Photography
You might have noticed that I haven't posted any photos lately. Apart from the busyness described above, I've been a little down on the whole thing lately, so I haven't really been taking many photos. I think I've (hopefully temporarily) lost my phojo (photo mojo), but hope to find it again soon. The dismal, freezing weather we've had here lately isn't really helping matters either. But there are nice days coming up (I hope).

Health
I'm now 6 weeks into my new 'regime'. While I'm not quite as strict as I was the first 2 weeks, I'm still not drinking coffee or eating junk. I've been very impressed with my ability to say no to yummy cakes and things actually.
I've been exercising regularly, usually 5-6 days a week. This is how my week of exercise usually goes:

• Monday - early morning walk to the gym for weights.
• Tuesday - morning walk (most of the time), and now Zumba with some people at work in the afternoons.
• Wednesday - early morning walk to the gym for weights (I try to do a more circuit-based one on Wednesdays)
• Thursday - Zumba in the evening (I've found 20 minutes on the elliptical trainer before the class works wonders).
• Friday - I usually walk to the pool and swim a bunch of laps.
• Saturday/Sunday - I try to do something active with Oliver and/or gardening. Yesterday we went for a long bike ride. Although I think I'll be doing cardio boxing with Deb on Sundays soon.

I'm feeling better - more energy definitely, and my digestive system seems to be working better. The best thing is that I don't seem to have too many cravings for junk! And, I've lost nearly 8 kilos already!

Home
As you know, I've been busy rearranging furniture and whole bedrooms, so things have also been pretty hectic on the home front.
I've been trying hard to be there for Oliver, and available for him when he needs it, and on the most part I've succeeded.

I must share with you though, Oliver is entering a new 'phase'. As I've mentioned before, he tends to latch on to things, sometimes bordering on obsession. For a long while it was Spiderman (clothes, pictures, costumes, parties etc), but he's also had an Indiana Jones phase, a Dr Who phase (which is only inactive because of the lack of current episodes), his Lego phase. and other minor ones over time.

At the moment, he's in a 'tie' phase. On Friday last week he announced that he wanted to wear a tie. I found him one at the Salvos, and from then on, he's pretty much wanted to wear one constantly. He wore one to my parent's house for dinner on Saturday, to the bird sale (where Anthony was selling some of his birds) and then out to dinner at the club last night. We were just going to get take away, but Oliver wanted to dress up and go out (a good thing, because the club is better for my diet than take away!)

Now he wants a little black suit and tie to wear to places. He asked me what jobs people do where you need to wear a tie, and every time someone asks what he wants to do when he grows up (people seem to ask him that more when he's wearing a tie!), he says "work in an office so I can wear a tie".

We're not exactly sure where it came from. He does like James Bond and The Transporter (both very dapper, tie-wearing, butt-kicking tough guys), and Dr Who, and his Mathletics avatar (the little picture that represents him) wears a tie. But we're not sure how it came on so suddenly.

I guess there are worse things. He does look very handsome dressed up, and there's something to be said for a man who dresses well, I think, but who knows where it will lead.
I've been joking about those ultra-professional people who have kids that end up as punks or hippies (slightly stereotypical I know, but you get the idea), and how I hope that because we're, well, hippies I guess, that Oliver won't turn out ultra-professional. No child of mine!...

I'll keep you posted on his adventures in fashion anyway.

How am I?

Three weeks into my health kick, and I've gotta tell you, I'm feeling pretty great!

Yesterday, I did my first Zumba class, which was I think about the best fun you can have exercising! For those who don't know (and I'm not sure that there are too many people out there that don't know!), Zumba is an aerobic style exercise class based on latin dance moves, like the salsa and the merengue. There's a lot of shimmying, hip-swivelling and butt grabbing (of yourself, not other people! ;p). It's an enormous amount of fun, and left me on a real high. I'm definitely hooked!

Apart from that, I've been doing pretty well. I'm managing to exercise 5-6 times a week, and do fairly active things in between.
I'm eating well; in fact I think the couple of weeks of cutting out almost everything really helped with the cravings etc. When presented with the kinds of things I craved (and pigged out on) before, like chocolate, potato scallops etc, I'm not even really all that interested, and can leave them behind. This is very unusual for me. I hope I can keep it up!

But I haven't been depriving myself. There have been a couple of days where I know I haven't eaten enough, but I've had the odd handful of hot chips or couple of beers in the last week and a bit. But I have been able to stop after a little bit. And I have no interest at all in going back to coffee. I'm happy with my green tea at the moment! I even ordered it yesterday when I went for coffee with some friends.
Which is great for me! I'm not sure if it's willpower, or that something's clicked in my brain, or if that 2 weeks of cutting stuff out was enough to change the way my body craves things.

And I've lost about 4 kilos already! I know that some of it is fluid (although I have been drinking massive amounts of water), and I shouldn't lose weight that quickly, but it's a good kickstart and it's very motivating.

And my mental health?
I must say, after my initial resistance to taking anti-depressants, I've gotta say they've done the trick! I'm a lot more balanced, and the days aren't so dark. I still have a bit of sadness, but it's like it's been wrapped up in a parcel, which I can only open every now and then.
I'm not sure if that's a good thing really, or what might happen when I go off the drugs, but they have helped me get my act together again, and I've gotta be grateful for that.

I still miss Sam, so much, and there are times when the feeling is stronger; like yesterday when I was walking through a shopping centre and there were teenagers everywhere, but mainly I am able to remember him more calmly and fondly.

K's mum said something that seemed to hit the nail on the head the other day. She said that sometimes she felt like K had been just a dream, and other times she expected here to walk in the door after school and say 'hi mum'.
That's what it feels like too sometimes. I still have all the reminders that Sam was here, and still have some moments of extreme pain and sadness. I'm definitely not in danger of forgetting him, but sometimes it does feel like he wasn't here at all. I hate that feeling.

But apart from all that, things are OK. Ollie and Anthony are OK. I'm OK. Everything's OK. I can't say great, but they are OK.

More later...

I'm on my way....

Today I started a 'health kick'. Well, really it's a diet, but I do so hate the 'd' word.

I've been psyching myself up for the past week, as I have been very good at abusing my body over the past few months. I've been telling myself I'm enjoying all the junk I've been eating, but I really don't think I have been! My poor body certainly hasn't loved it!

At first, I thought I might do a 'detox' or a low-carb diet to get me started, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that would be a silly move. One of my biggest (and lifelong) problems has been that I am quite capable of 'dieting', it's just that when I stop 'dieting', I pile all the weight I've lost back on (and then some!).

I did have some success a few years ago. In 2004 I decided I'd change the way I did things: I ate well, exercised a lot and lost about 40 kilos. Then Anthony got sick and I started teaching in a really stressful class, and it was the beginning of the end. I was just starting to get myself back to a good routine when we lost Sam (and you know the story from there).

So instead of the detox, I thought I'd do a couple of weeks with no junk (or alcohol or sugary stuff or processed food), and then eat well and make some long term changes.

This is what I plan to do (for the next couple of weeks):

• Eat more vegetables.
• Eat more fish.
• Cut out coffee, cola and other fizzy drinks.
• Cut out alcohol.
• Cut out chocolate, lollies, cakes and biscuits.
• Drink more water.
• Exercise more.

After the two weeks, I'll hopefully not be craving them, and will be able to eat small amounts. I really think this is the key to my success: not depriving myself.

And why am I telling you all this?

I don't know actually, perhaps it will help keep me honest? Every now and again, perhaps my lovely readers you could ask me how it's going?

The First Day

I actually made a very good start today. I ate good food (muesli for breaky, chicken salad wrap for lunch, salmon and vegies for dinner), I even passed on an ice block when Ollie had one. I also did a MASSIVE amount of exercise!
Oliver and I decided we'd go for a big bike ride around the lake. So we drove out to Lake Burley Griffin and set off around the West Basin. Little did we know that it's an 18 km ride! Never mind, we set to with determination and an abundance of energy (at first!). At the halfway mark, we noticed our bums were getting sore, and by 13km we were both pretty tired. Ollie had had enough and his lovely dad came and picked him up. I managed the next 5km, and despite a very sore bum and a tired body, I felt good!

We'll see what tomorrow brings...