If you'd asked me 5 months ago what I loved about my world, I'd be hard-pressed to name anything. The all-encompassing sadness that hung over me then (and still does now, sometimes) would have clouded my judgement.
But as hard as this has been for me, I know that Sam would be very disappointed if I consistently took the negative view. I think a healthy dose of positive might be good for me at the moment. Originally, I was going to write this as a Blog This challenge, but had trouble with the whole '10 things I love about my world' concept. So instead I've decided to write about 10 things I'm grateful for.
Anthony
We've been together a very long time (15 and a half years). We've been through great hardships and trials, and we have somehow managed to stick it out. Sometimes I wonder if it's just stubbornness: we certainly piss each other off royally sometimes. I'll never forget the time we had a big fight and I got the shits that he was walking out, so I threw a cooling rack (you know, those wire things you put bikkies on to cool) at him and it went right through the lounge room window!. It occasionally frustrates me that he's not at all romantic; and sometimes he takes AGES to do anything.
But there are also moments when I see clearly how much love and support we have for each other. I know that even though Anthony is not openly demonstrative or affectionate; he is always attentive and interested; I KNOW that he would do anything at all for me, and he is a talented, gentle, caring and generous partner.
Oliver
My little ray of sunshine. He was such a surprise. After 7 years of believing I'd only have one child, he came along. He's gorgeous, funny, sweet and is really 'touchy' (as in he likes to touch and be touched - in a totally innocent and non-sexual way!!) - just like me. In fact, Oliver is like me in many ways: musical, extroverted, fidgety, clever...
He has a beautiful singing voice (but won't let me send him to lessons) and the potential for greatness. He has done such a good job of keeping us all going. Sometimes it's hard to believe he's only 6!
The time I did have with Sam
I only had him for 13 years and 9 months, but they were some of the best years of my life. I've already raved about how awesome, wonderful, kind, funny, generous and talented my boy was. I think you know how I feel about him...
My Family
I do have some wonderfully supportive family members. My mum and dad are wonderful, caring, giving people who I sometimes suspect would do anything for me. Anthony's family are just as great. His brothers are funny, charming, welcoming and always there when you need them. Our extended families are also great at being supportive!
My Friends
As I've mentioned before, I haven't always been good at making friends. So the ones I have are even more special now.
I know lots of people. I've lived in Canberra my whole life, I worked in a cinema for 10 years and I'm now a teacher, so I've met LOTS of people along the way. It's not so bad (remember I do like meeting lots of different people!). But as for friends, I could count my close ones on one hand. The ones I know would drop everything for me if I needed them (and did so very recently).
But that's OK. Because deep down, I know I wouldn't be able to give a big group of friends the time they would need. So I'm happy to stick to the occasional night out with them, so there's more time for Sunday drinks with the good ones!
Music
I love music. I think I've made that fairly clear. From my early, misguided days of worshipping the likes of A-ha and Culture Club to my current, mostly open minded (but leaning more towards rock) and broad preferences.
I love loud music in the home, I love live music, I love playing music (though I don't do that much any more). And I am so grateful that there are thousands of talented people in the world making music that I can listen to.
Technology
There's no denying it. I'm a geek. I love computers and all the fantastic things they do for us. I love that if I want to, I can communicate instantly with anyone in the world. I love that I can take photos and edit them or do funky things to them. I love being able to look at a photo or map of any place in the world. I love my iPhone. I love that I have over 17000 songs accessible at the touch of a button (I know, I know, the quality's not as good, but who cares when all you want to do is hear that song? Right now!)
Yes, there are downfalls (and I'm sure it will make a great blog topic one day), but I am very grateful for technology.
Canberra
I'm grateful that I live in Canberra.
It gets a bum wrap a lot of the time - and people often move away to Brisbane - but it really is a great place. It's green and beautiful (for now!) and the mountains make a very picturesque backdrop. The weather is often misunderstood: it is very cold in the winter sometimes, but most winter days are sunny and clear (in fact it's been said that Canberra has more days of sunshine than Queensland!), and the summers are BLOODY hot! I like that we have definite seasons and the autumn colours are gorgeous!
Much-maligned Canberra is also often accused of being soulless and boring, but if you know what you're doing, there's always plenty to do! It's even getting better the older I get. Not just because I'm older, but because more things happen here now. It might look boring to an outsider (I'm talking to you Bill Bryson!) but it's probably because we don't want everyone joining in. :)
And then there's the "it's full of politicians" line. Well hello, the politicians come from ALL OVER AUSTRALIA!!!
Comedy
It was Samuel that gave me a true appreciation of comedy, although I have always liked funny people. When I was younger, I remember crying with laughter while watching Billy Connolly video (funny guy!). I also had a lot of fun watching the D-Generation as a teenager.
Because I'm such a 'smiley' person, I really do enjoy a good laugh. And sadly, there aren't as many opportunities for a good laugh as there used to be, so good comedy is always welcome.
I'll even pay someone!
We took Samuel to see live comedy shows twice. Once to see The Umbilical Brothers when he was about 9; very, very funny guys. We also took him to see Tripod in November last year. He was just old enough to get the 'adult references', and loved it a lot.
I've talked about how much I miss Samuel's laugh, and perhaps it's because I heard it so much. He loved watching the Comedy Channel; from stand-up to Family Guy to Chaser's War on Everything. He also loved Monty Python (who doesn't?!). And when Sam started giggling, it wasn't long before the rest of us were too.
Sometimes you need a bit of help to get the laugh going. So I'm grateful for comedy.
And a 10th?
Well there are so many things that I am grateful for. There are the big things: living in a free country; my (relative) good health; having basic human rights that are denied to many; having a roof over my head; my job etc. And there are the little things: spring flowers and autumn leaves; coffee flavoured ice cream; my doona; good coffee; the beach...
What are you grateful for?
Showing posts with label laughter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label laughter. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Laugh Update
My totally awesome parents (and I'm not just saying that because you read my blog) found some footage of Samuel laughing. They put it on a DVD and it was waiting for me when I got home from work. How fabulous!
He was about 9, and was laughing at Nibbler (a galah we used to keep inside-I had it banished to the outside aviaries when it started attacking me everytime I walked into the room) who was pulling a spoon out of his cup and throwing it away, then sticking almost his whole body into the cup to get the milk from the bottom. He was also laughing at an episode of Family Guy that he was watching.
Even though he was a bit younger then, the laugh was just the same. A really infectious giggle. A bit more high pitched than his last few years (he had a fairly deep voice by the time he died), but the same laugh.
Something I observed while I was watching though, was that I was pretty much focused on Oliver. He was about 2 at the time, and very cute, and I noticed that I kept the camera trained on him, not Samuel.
I think there are a couple if reasons for this.
Firstly, Oliver was very cute and new and was doing lots of gorgeous 2-year-old things worth capturing on film.
Secondly, Samuel was the subject of a few videos when he was the same age, so it was an evening-up kind of thing. I think when Sam was born, we kept film and photo processing company executives in hot lunches...
If I'd known just how important this footage would be to us now (when I was a watching and Sam was just at the edge of the frame, I caught myself moving my head, as if that would help me see him) I would have done it differently.
But we never expect that we're going to lose our kids. We think that there's plenty of time to take videos, that we've already got enough. And they get more camera shy as they get older anyway; they lose the 'cute' factor and there's more posing.
I have got a few videos - the last couple of cameras we've had included a film function. Funnily enough, despite poring over my photos, I haven't really had a good look at the videos. I must do so, there might be some really treasures.
And my advice to you? Get them on film. As often as possible. As mundane as their antics might seem, one day they might mean the world to you.
Thanks Mum and Dad. You truly are the most wonderful parents ever!
He was about 9, and was laughing at Nibbler (a galah we used to keep inside-I had it banished to the outside aviaries when it started attacking me everytime I walked into the room) who was pulling a spoon out of his cup and throwing it away, then sticking almost his whole body into the cup to get the milk from the bottom. He was also laughing at an episode of Family Guy that he was watching.
Even though he was a bit younger then, the laugh was just the same. A really infectious giggle. A bit more high pitched than his last few years (he had a fairly deep voice by the time he died), but the same laugh.
Something I observed while I was watching though, was that I was pretty much focused on Oliver. He was about 2 at the time, and very cute, and I noticed that I kept the camera trained on him, not Samuel.
I think there are a couple if reasons for this.
Firstly, Oliver was very cute and new and was doing lots of gorgeous 2-year-old things worth capturing on film.
Secondly, Samuel was the subject of a few videos when he was the same age, so it was an evening-up kind of thing. I think when Sam was born, we kept film and photo processing company executives in hot lunches...
If I'd known just how important this footage would be to us now (when I was a watching and Sam was just at the edge of the frame, I caught myself moving my head, as if that would help me see him) I would have done it differently.
But we never expect that we're going to lose our kids. We think that there's plenty of time to take videos, that we've already got enough. And they get more camera shy as they get older anyway; they lose the 'cute' factor and there's more posing.
I have got a few videos - the last couple of cameras we've had included a film function. Funnily enough, despite poring over my photos, I haven't really had a good look at the videos. I must do so, there might be some really treasures.
And my advice to you? Get them on film. As often as possible. As mundane as their antics might seem, one day they might mean the world to you.
Thanks Mum and Dad. You truly are the most wonderful parents ever!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
The Power of Friendship
Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things. ~Author Unknown
Ok, I know the title is hokey, but I'm sure you get the idea.
I've just spent another lovely few hours in the company of friends. We have a wonderful family, on both my side and Anthony's side. They have been so wonderful through all of this, and I will talk about them another time. Today I'd like to talk about friends.
For the past few weeks, with the exception of last week, we have been joined by our friends (and sometimes members of our family, who also happen to be friends) each Sunday afternoon. We drink (wine, bourbon, beer, water, coffee, etc), eat cheese and crackers and other lovely things (today our wonderfully gourmet friends brought some lovely trout and caperberries. I'd never tasted them before, but they were goooood!), and we sit and talk and laugh. It's almost become a tradition!
Today, my best friend Sally came over with her son Jack. We started at midday (it was 5 past 12, so it's technically afternoon!) and had a good gossip and a drink. A little while later our good friend Dallas arrived, then our friends Kylie and Gordon and their kids. Not long after that Trevor arrived. Not everyone stays the whole time, but while we're all together we have great conversations and everyone gets along, no matter what the background, or whether or not any of them have met before.
There's something very healing in that. I've always been a people person anyway, and my idea of a good time involves great conversation. It's also very nice to have the company. I think when you're grieving, there could be a real risk in withdrawing into yourself; blocking the world out. And we were probably tempted to for a while too. But there were people that kept calling, kept dropping in and making sure we were OK.
In the week leading up to Samuel's funeral, there were always lots of people around. It was nice, but in a way, a bit overwhelming. In the week after, there were a few, and then the week after that, almost nobody came around. It was a little scary, a little lonely. When we were here alone, the reality of what had happened was almost too big, too much to bear. Then people started to come around some more. It wasn't a constant, seemingly never ending flow, but it wasn't nobody either.
Before Sam died, we probably weren't the most sociable people. I was always so tired (physically and emotionally) by the end of the week (one of the few downfalls of the teaching profession), and we've never really had the disposable income you need to go out and socialise regularly. I was also pretty happy to spend time with my kids and Anthony. I do love people, but most of the time it seemed easier to see them here. I didn't have to organise babysitting, there's plenty here for kids to do (well, boys anyway). It sounds selfish, but when I couldn't do things here with people, I didn't tend to do it at all, unless it was something really special. When I think of it, I guess that's fairly normal in our busy world.
That's another reason why it's been great that people have come around. The casual nature of the Sunday afternoon thing means that people can drop in for a little while, or for longer. It's been so good to to see people, do some normal things, and not have to go too far from the little comfort zone we've got going on here. And it's not like we don't think about Sam, or talk about him; we do. On our terms. We talk about him, we share memories, we get upset, but we also talk about other things. And laugh.
But just because we're enjoying our Sunday afternoons, it doesn't mean we're never going to leave the house. Last weekend, I went out on both Friday and Saturday night with some of my oldest friends. Mark and Donna live in Melbourne now, and came up for the weekend just to catch up with friends. On Friday night we sat outside King O'Malleys with our other old friends Gerard and Toby (and his partner Swapna) for a very long time drinking beer and talking. I drank WAAAAY too much and ended up with a sore head, but what a great night it was.
On Saturday night, all of us, as well as Anthony, Helena, Geoff, Tan and Kris (who was visiting from the U.S) went to dinner at Chairman and Yip (then move on to some other places), and once again had a lovely evening.
The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. ~Elisabeth Foley
The great thing about these friends, is that it doesn't matter how much time passes, when we get together it's like we've never been apart. I haven't seen Mark and Donna since my 35th birthday party at the end of 2008. I haven't seen Gerard since October of the same year. But we had a great night. And they have been there for me, supporting me, through this whole time.
I'm not real good at the whole friendship thing. I like people, and I like spending time with people, but my problem has always been that I like knowing lots of different kinds of people. It was a problem at school because at school you're supposed to have your core friends and spend all your time with them. It's a problem now because I don't have the time to devote to maintaining these friendships. Life gets in the way, doesn't it?
So against all the odds, I do have a few fantastic friends, some of them I only see once a week or once a month or once a year or once every 5 years, but they are true friends. And in some ways it's thanks to them that I can see some good left on the world. That I can see we can still have some fun and not feel guilty about it.
So thank you, to the friends who have been there for us. Thanks to Sally and Dallas and Meg, who were so wonderful in the first week, and have continued to be caring supportive friends. Some of the things you did for us were so above and beyond what a friend should have to do, and you did them without question.
Thanks to all our wonderful friends who sent cards and messages and came to Samuel's funeral. If I haven't sent you a card yet, I will. Thanks to Aamund, and Keiko, who helped Dallas and Meg support us. Thanks Keryn and Brian for lending us the camper trailer. Thanks Paul and Mahala for sharing the camper trailer and helping us get it organised. Thanks to Trevor and Adina, who have been here keeping us company and sharing their beautiful Izzy. Thanks to Jodie, who went out of her way many times to feed us, cheer us up, give us things, especially the dragonfly (another story for another day). Thanks Carmen for being so supportive and helping out, even when we haven't seen each other for so long. Thanks Maree for being here for us when you and Jake and your family were grieving as much as we were. Thanks to Lani and Vickie and Kathy who have always been there for a chat and a laugh (and to show me their wedding photos). Thanks to Jane for sending me a card (from India!) and coming to see me. Thanks to Kris for sending flowers from California (no Australian customs, she didn't actually send them from there), and for coming out to dinner last week. Thanks to Phillipa and Jason for being there for us, and for calling to check up on us. Thanks to Kylie and Gordon for feeding us, but also just being there (and for a great afternoon today!) Thanks to Donna and Mark for travelling all the way from Melbourne to Canberra to see us. Thanks to Gerard, Toby, Swapna, Geoff, Helena, Tan and Kris who came out for a fun night in the town. Thanks Deb for your messages, your constant facebook/blog support and for bringing your beautiful Emily over to see me. Thanks Michelle for the lovely 'I love you'/'I'm thinking about you' messages. Thanks Ania for the company and the ice coffees. If I've forgotten you, I'm sorry. And if you're in my family, don't feel left out. I'm trying to work out how to say all the things I want to say to you.
Without you all, I hate to think where we'd be. Thanks.
Ok, I know the title is hokey, but I'm sure you get the idea.
I've just spent another lovely few hours in the company of friends. We have a wonderful family, on both my side and Anthony's side. They have been so wonderful through all of this, and I will talk about them another time. Today I'd like to talk about friends.
For the past few weeks, with the exception of last week, we have been joined by our friends (and sometimes members of our family, who also happen to be friends) each Sunday afternoon. We drink (wine, bourbon, beer, water, coffee, etc), eat cheese and crackers and other lovely things (today our wonderfully gourmet friends brought some lovely trout and caperberries. I'd never tasted them before, but they were goooood!), and we sit and talk and laugh. It's almost become a tradition!
Today, my best friend Sally came over with her son Jack. We started at midday (it was 5 past 12, so it's technically afternoon!) and had a good gossip and a drink. A little while later our good friend Dallas arrived, then our friends Kylie and Gordon and their kids. Not long after that Trevor arrived. Not everyone stays the whole time, but while we're all together we have great conversations and everyone gets along, no matter what the background, or whether or not any of them have met before.
There's something very healing in that. I've always been a people person anyway, and my idea of a good time involves great conversation. It's also very nice to have the company. I think when you're grieving, there could be a real risk in withdrawing into yourself; blocking the world out. And we were probably tempted to for a while too. But there were people that kept calling, kept dropping in and making sure we were OK.
In the week leading up to Samuel's funeral, there were always lots of people around. It was nice, but in a way, a bit overwhelming. In the week after, there were a few, and then the week after that, almost nobody came around. It was a little scary, a little lonely. When we were here alone, the reality of what had happened was almost too big, too much to bear. Then people started to come around some more. It wasn't a constant, seemingly never ending flow, but it wasn't nobody either.
Before Sam died, we probably weren't the most sociable people. I was always so tired (physically and emotionally) by the end of the week (one of the few downfalls of the teaching profession), and we've never really had the disposable income you need to go out and socialise regularly. I was also pretty happy to spend time with my kids and Anthony. I do love people, but most of the time it seemed easier to see them here. I didn't have to organise babysitting, there's plenty here for kids to do (well, boys anyway). It sounds selfish, but when I couldn't do things here with people, I didn't tend to do it at all, unless it was something really special. When I think of it, I guess that's fairly normal in our busy world.
That's another reason why it's been great that people have come around. The casual nature of the Sunday afternoon thing means that people can drop in for a little while, or for longer. It's been so good to to see people, do some normal things, and not have to go too far from the little comfort zone we've got going on here. And it's not like we don't think about Sam, or talk about him; we do. On our terms. We talk about him, we share memories, we get upset, but we also talk about other things. And laugh.
But just because we're enjoying our Sunday afternoons, it doesn't mean we're never going to leave the house. Last weekend, I went out on both Friday and Saturday night with some of my oldest friends. Mark and Donna live in Melbourne now, and came up for the weekend just to catch up with friends. On Friday night we sat outside King O'Malleys with our other old friends Gerard and Toby (and his partner Swapna) for a very long time drinking beer and talking. I drank WAAAAY too much and ended up with a sore head, but what a great night it was.
On Saturday night, all of us, as well as Anthony, Helena, Geoff, Tan and Kris (who was visiting from the U.S) went to dinner at Chairman and Yip (then move on to some other places), and once again had a lovely evening.
The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. ~Elisabeth Foley
The great thing about these friends, is that it doesn't matter how much time passes, when we get together it's like we've never been apart. I haven't seen Mark and Donna since my 35th birthday party at the end of 2008. I haven't seen Gerard since October of the same year. But we had a great night. And they have been there for me, supporting me, through this whole time.
I'm not real good at the whole friendship thing. I like people, and I like spending time with people, but my problem has always been that I like knowing lots of different kinds of people. It was a problem at school because at school you're supposed to have your core friends and spend all your time with them. It's a problem now because I don't have the time to devote to maintaining these friendships. Life gets in the way, doesn't it?
So against all the odds, I do have a few fantastic friends, some of them I only see once a week or once a month or once a year or once every 5 years, but they are true friends. And in some ways it's thanks to them that I can see some good left on the world. That I can see we can still have some fun and not feel guilty about it.
So thank you, to the friends who have been there for us. Thanks to Sally and Dallas and Meg, who were so wonderful in the first week, and have continued to be caring supportive friends. Some of the things you did for us were so above and beyond what a friend should have to do, and you did them without question.
Thanks to all our wonderful friends who sent cards and messages and came to Samuel's funeral. If I haven't sent you a card yet, I will. Thanks to Aamund, and Keiko, who helped Dallas and Meg support us. Thanks Keryn and Brian for lending us the camper trailer. Thanks Paul and Mahala for sharing the camper trailer and helping us get it organised. Thanks to Trevor and Adina, who have been here keeping us company and sharing their beautiful Izzy. Thanks to Jodie, who went out of her way many times to feed us, cheer us up, give us things, especially the dragonfly (another story for another day). Thanks Carmen for being so supportive and helping out, even when we haven't seen each other for so long. Thanks Maree for being here for us when you and Jake and your family were grieving as much as we were. Thanks to Lani and Vickie and Kathy who have always been there for a chat and a laugh (and to show me their wedding photos). Thanks to Jane for sending me a card (from India!) and coming to see me. Thanks to Kris for sending flowers from California (no Australian customs, she didn't actually send them from there), and for coming out to dinner last week. Thanks to Phillipa and Jason for being there for us, and for calling to check up on us. Thanks to Kylie and Gordon for feeding us, but also just being there (and for a great afternoon today!) Thanks to Donna and Mark for travelling all the way from Melbourne to Canberra to see us. Thanks to Gerard, Toby, Swapna, Geoff, Helena, Tan and Kris who came out for a fun night in the town. Thanks Deb for your messages, your constant facebook/blog support and for bringing your beautiful Emily over to see me. Thanks Michelle for the lovely 'I love you'/'I'm thinking about you' messages. Thanks Ania for the company and the ice coffees. If I've forgotten you, I'm sorry. And if you're in my family, don't feel left out. I'm trying to work out how to say all the things I want to say to you.
Without you all, I hate to think where we'd be. Thanks.
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