Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts

Thursday, September 29, 2011

You are getting sleepy...

A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.  ~Charlotte Brontë

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night (or the morning) completely disorientated? I quite often wake up thinking 'where the hell am I?', and sometimes go as far as jumping out of bed to investigate. Like early this morning when I woke up wondering why all the furniture in my room had been rearranged.

Sleep and I are sometimes terribly at odds. There are times that I'll sleep soundly all night, but others where I'll wake up at 2 or 3 in the morning and have no chance of getting back to sleep.

Those times are good for getting reading done. Sometimes I'll read blogs and sometimes a novel. I quite like the iPhone/iPad for those moments, as you can read without turning the light on. Not good when you're totally hooked on a paper book (I'm on book three of the Game of Thrones series and loving it), but otherwise very handy.

I'm also a bit strange in that strange bit between awake and asleep. I'll quite often be sitting innocently on the couch with Anthony and he'll say 'what did you just say?'. Guaranteed it will be something weird about singing elephants or cross-dressing serial killers. Who knows what's going on in my subconscious?

I remember after Sam died sleep was next to impossible. We spent the nights of the first week together on the lounge, not sleeping, but even after that sleep was always broken (most of the time by checking on Oliver), but sometimes with the bad dreams and grief stuff that was inevitable I guess. And a lot of those disoriented moments included forgetting that Sam wasn't there.

Being the busy person I am, I often think how productive I'd be if we didn't have to sleep. But really, there's nothing like that feeling when it all goes right and you're snuggled up warm and comfy and sleep is the only thing you want...

Monday, March 28, 2011

Another Hurdle Jumped

An unexpected outcome of my wonderful trip to see the Foo Fighters was that we (I) had to face a bit of a 'hurdle' in my grief 'journey'.

As you know, Sam died while staying over at his Nanna (Anthony's mum)'s house. So as you can imagine, it's been pretty hard for me to let Oliver out of my sight, let alone let him sleep over anywhere (I still get up at least once per night to check on him).

He has stayed at my parent's place two or three times (they also spent each of those nights with one eye open!), but that's about it.

Of course Oliver is now at that age when kids start to have sleep overs. When his friends first started asking, even he was hesitant. We got around that by asking his friends to stay here instead. And they had great times when they did.

So last Thursday, even though we planned to go home after the show, we knew we'd get back too late to pick Oliver up from anywhere (we ended up getting home around 2am). So we decided to have him sleep over somewhere.

He ended up sleeping at his Nanna's place. This was a hard decision for me to make; not because I blame her for what happened to Sam, but because there was that tiny, very irrational fear about it happening again. You might even call it a phobia. I know it probably sounds very strange to you, but it was something I was having a lot of trouble with!

Well they had a great time together, and Oliver's very keen to do it again, so of course my fears were unfounded, but the fact that I let it happen it shows how far I have come in facing some of those demons that surfaced in late December 2009.