The Food Thing

I'm pretty active. Yes, I sit at a desk for a good portion of every day, but I do try hard to be active every day. I do my (beloved!😊) Sh'Bam three times a week (and for the past 3 weeks I've been doing weights after each class), Oliver and I swim each Tuesday night, I walk (by myself or with the dog on Thursdays and Fridays, and on the weekends I try and do at least one extra thing that's active: a big walk, a long bike ride with Oliver, some gardening.

And I've been fairly active for a while now, probably since I did my Sh'Bam training about a year ago. But my weight has pretty much stayed the same. Much to my horror.

Because I've got this problem with food. I like it! I enjoy lots if different kinds of food, and probably have some unhealthy associations with it.

As I've documented previously, I've tried lots of 'diets' - recently the 12WBT and Atkins, and I've been relatively successful in both: until they finish. Or something distracts me from that path. And that's happened to me a few times in my life. All 'diet' bring the same result for me: some good weight loss, then it's over and I put it all back on. With interest.

Because tryimg to lose weight has been a significant part of my life (oh god that's sad!), I've done a lot of reading (I know I know, that was my first mistake!). And I've figured out that good eating is pretty simple. Eat when you're hungry, until you're full, and make sure that most of the food you eat is as close to its natural state as possible.

So that's what I'm doing now. I'm not going to starve myself, and I'm not going to deprive myself, but I'm going to be more mindful. These are some of the changes I've been making over the past couple of months;

• I'm eating very little sugar. Well, fructose to be exact. David Gillespie and Sarah Wilson wrote some pretty compelling stuff that struck a chord with me, and I gave it a go, I'm not quite as militant about it, but I avoid anything with sugar added to it, and don't eat any cakes or biscuits. I've found that I eat little enough that I don't get the cravings, but I do still have the occasional ice cream. And I do drink beer (which actually doesn't contain fructose, so it's ok). Now I know that I said I wasn't going to deprive myself, but I really don't feel that I do. When I initially started with the 'no sugar' thing, I did cut it out completely. And I did get the withdrawals and the headaches and stuff, but once I got through that, I felt really good: my skin was clear, I had more energy, I slept better and I was even all day. No 3pm slump. So it made it worth it. And when I did try something sweet, it didn't have the same appeal, and tasted waaaay to sweet. Like Mars Bars for example. I now find the eye-wateringly sweet. And disgusting. My tastebuds have changed a lot. Raspberries with mascarpone is my sweet treat, and plain sparkling mineral water is my 'soft drink'. 
• I'm eating less. I'm trying very hard to listen to my body. I try to only eat when I'm hungry, and I don't clean my plate if I'm full. I used to just era it because it was there. I'm definitely noticing that I'm fitting less in.
• I'm eating more fresh food. I've always done a lot of home cooking, but now I very rarely buy anything pre made. My grocery habits have changed and I spend twice as much on meat, fruit send vegetables than I do on groceries. And most of my groceries are ingredients (except Anthony's chocolate peanuts- the dude's hooked!).
• I don't drink as many calories. When I was a young, overweight person, I was under the impression that it was food that made you fat, so I couldn't understand why I was so fat when I drank lots of shakes, soft drink or flavoured milks but didn't eat much. Of course now I know better. Now, I stick to water and tea mostly, with the occasional coffee or diet coke (although these aren't as appealing any more), and on the weekends I have a couple of drinks. Usually beer.

I'm careful with what I eat but at the same time I'm not crazed. If I want an ice cream, I have it. If I want some pizza or some really nice cheese, I have it. No deprivation!

And finally, it seems to be working. I'm finally losing a bit of weight. Well, rearranging it anyway; as my measurements change more often than the number on the scales. But it's progress and I'm happy with that.

So my goal, in relation to food, is to keep this up. It should be too hard as its not a 'plan' I'm following, it's just normal life with a little common sense thrown in. I'll keep you posted about my progress.

So...improvements huh?

Well this year is my big year. The year I've been casually dreading for most of my adult life. The year that I have to grow up...I could go in a melodramatic way but I'm typing this on a tablet, so I should probably be more succinct. Hah!

Anyway, this year I turn 40. And in all seriousness, I can't say I've been looking forward to it. I don't know what it is: a subconscious reluctance to surrender my young years, a fear of growing old maybe. But whatever it is it's scary!

So in addition to the psychological issues that turning 40 has brought forth, my desire to become a better person (inside and out) has intensified. And while I'm (a little) realistic, I've set myself some goals. I might achieve some of them by my birthday (I've got until December), but my main goal is to be on the way there by then.

Here's my list (and some future blog topics!):

Improve My Health

I'm already making some headway with this one (see my next post), but I want to improve my fitness and become stronger. Losing a few kilos wouldn't hurt either!
What I'd really like to do is one of those 'Tough Mudder' events, but maybe that might be next year! Plus I'd need some people to do it with. Any volunteers?

 

Improve My Look

I don't want to get crazy about my appearance all of a sudden, but I've never really paid much attention to my appearance (well, since my teens anyway); think polo shirts and tracky dacks for most of my 20s and early 30s.I don't know whether it's vanity or that I'm seeing some signs of aging, but I'm paying more attention to my hair and my skin and even my wardrobe. It's involved a lot of reading to catch up on all that knowledge!

Pursue My Interests

Recently I went to the symphony with my parents and Oliver. It was a great night with some lovely music, and it made me yearn for the day when I got to perform with a band. This might take me a bit longer to organise, given my busy lifestyle, but I'm going to start playing music again, and maybe in a year or so join a concert band (provided it fits in with my 'family time' goal!).
I've also gotten excited about drama again, after seeing a great show with Oliver and auditioning for the musical. So I'd like to do more of that too!
And I want to get out in my garden more. And WRITE!

 

Improve My Skills

I've been doing some different things at work: project management and other public-servanty stuff, which has actually been kind of interesting. So I'd like to keep doing new things and find out what I could be good at.
I'd also like to do some study related to my Sh'Bam passion - like maybe a Certificate 3 in Fitness.
And I'd like to do some more adventurous cooking! Just need to find some people to test my creations on!

On top of all that I'd like to be more organised and better with money. Not too tall an order I hope!

But you know me, I'm sure I'll prattle on about it a bit.

The Mother of Re-invention

I've been busy lately. No busier than normal I guess, but a good kind of busy as
I've been concentrating on me. On me doing things differently. There's the health thing - as you know I've been on that road for a while, but there's also the change in my attitude.
When I say lately, I guess I probably mean in the three and a half years since Sam died. Something about that whale experience, while incredibly horrible has also been life-changing in other ways: I've reassessed my priorities, my goals, and even my values.

That's not to say I've suddenly become s different person. If anything I've become more...me. I'm almost ashamed to say it but there are parts of me that I've kept hidden for a long time, but I needed to recognise that and make changes. No it's definitely not been an easy transition and I've got a long way to go, but I think I've made some real progress.

Let's take my health for example. As I've mentioned quite a few times, I have always struggled with my weight. And while I'm certainly not where I'd prefer to be, weight-wise, I'm healthier than I've been in a very long time. I willingly exercise at least 6 times a week, my skin is great, I eat pretty healthy most of the time (though I've still got a bit of work to do there, especially around the odd sugar/fat binge), I very rarely get sick - in fact I can't remember the last time I had a bad cold. 2011?

Sh'Bam has had a lot to do with it. More than anything, it gave me reason to enjoy exercising again. Oh it's been hard being a part of a group of fitness instructors that are a lot smaller and fitter than me, but they have all been so supportive and welcoming that I can't help but love it. And the people in the classes give me good feedback too.

All this has led to a real boost in my confidence. I can get up on the stage in a Sh'Bam class and go from vamp to ballet dancer to Jane Fonda hip hop 'homey' and it seems like it's coming naturally. I don't feel nearly as self-conscious as I maybe thought I might.


                                

And the confidence sneaks into other areas of my life too: I'm seeking up more at work, voicing my opinion more and stepping up into more challenging roles (where possible), I'm trying new things and going out more and talking to more people. I'm actively taking myself out of my comfort zone. Last night, I auditioned for  stage production of Footloose. Now, while I am not renowned as a shy and retiring type, this was a big leap for me. I love preforming, and did a lot of it in school, but haven't done anything since then. But I went and I SANG! In front of people! I made a general donkey of myself. I was so nervous that my voice sounded awful and I mucked up the accent (both things that I'm actually not too bad at), but it doesn't matter. I was just happy that I took that risk and did it. It's something that I definitely wouldn't have done 2 years ago. Perhaps not even 2 months ago.

These things have given me the strength and the courage to keep on this path. To keep improving myself. To test myself to see how far I can go. But to also do the things that make me happy, make me feel good.

Of course, one of those things is this blog. For those first couple of years after Sam died, this blog kept me going, gave me a place to get it all down, get it all out of my head. For the last year or so I haven't really known what to do with it. I've tried writing a few things, but there was always the thought 'why would they want to read about that?" But then I realised. That doesn't really matter. Because blogging makes ME fee good. Even if no one's reading it (although I do like it when they do!).

So in the interest of making me happy, I'm coming back to blogging. More soon!

The Ultimate Lego Experience

Something really cool happened to us this week.
As you know, we really love Lego at our house. And this week, we were lucky enough to experience an ultimate Lego fan moment.

This year, Lego is celebrating 50 years in Australia. They have been celebrating with the 'Festival of Play' all year. Back in October, they asked the question 'what would you do with 50000 green Lego bricks?".

Well, I don't know whether I told you, but we've been making our own Christmas tree out of Lego. Oliver and I made one last year, and he and Anthony made this year's one. It's s nice change from the usual gacky ones, and it brings a little bit of fun into a time of year that we don't usually enjoy all that much.

Anyway, I sent them a photo of last year's tree:

And the next thing you know, we had won!
We had to keep it a secret for a couple of weeks, which was hard, but we (kinda) managed it.

So anyway, on Wednesday, Ryan McNaught, some lovely public relations folks and a whole bunch of media turned up at our house. Along with a 2m high Christmas tree made out of green Lego bricks.

It was a lot of fun watching Ryan, Anthony and Oliver put the tree together, and even more fun to see the media circus! At one point there were about 15 people in our tiny living/lounge room, plus a bunch of cameras and lights. They took lots of really nice photos (some of which are available here), and interviewed Oli, who was well and truly sick of holding the 'let's put a star on the tree' pose by the 37th time:

After everyone had left, he said 'I never want to see another camera again!'.

We got some good coverage; in the Australian, AAP, the Canberra Times, WIN news and the lovely photos on the Festival of Play website. My little fella was a celebrity for a minute - especially at school - but I'm hoping it's not his only 15 minutes of fame.

Everybody asks us what we're going to do with a massive Christmas tree. Well, we know that we can move it around the place pretty easily, as we packed it all up and took it out to the Cotter yesterday for the CLUG (Canberra Lego Users Group) Christmas party. It transported very well, and didn't take all that long to take down and put back up.

So, we thought it would be nice to offer it to a few different venues next year, where it can be displayed to raise money for charity. We will probably also take it to the Brick Expo next year too.
In between, we'll probably leave it up. I'm no good with indoor plants, so we can take the decorations off and put it in the corner! Anthony's building a shed out the back that will be a rumpus (Lego) room, so that will be a good spot for it.

All in all, a very cool experience! Thanks Lego and Ryan McNaught!

Things That Make Me Feel Good - Haircuts

It's important to feel good. I've spent a lot of my life worrying about other people, and trying to make other people; sometimes (but not always) at the expense of myself.
As I said a few times in my older blog posts, I have spent a lot of time over the past three years trying to improve myself. I'm still working on the weight thing (more later), but a significant part of this is finding things that make me feel good, then doing them. Regularly.

Yesterday, I had a pretty crappy morning at work. You know, one of those mornings where you just can't do anything right. Being the semi-perfectionist that I am, I get pretty cranky when I make mistakes. And I made more than one.

Luckily (for my work and for me), I'd already arranged to leave early and have my hair done. And it made me feel much better.

There's something about devoting a significant amount of time to yourself that seems to make everything right. And for me (I have waist-length hair at the moment), it's nearly 3 hours where I sit and relax and all the attention is on me.

I love the chat with the hairdresser (I've finally found an awesome one!), I love the cup of coffee and the trashy magazines, I love having my hair brushed and washed and manipulated, I love love love the glorious head massage, and I love the way my hair feels afterwards. Light, clean and shiny.

All of this adds up to me feeling really good. Confident, gorgeous and just for a little while, trouble free.

So today I'm celebrating hairdressers. One of the good things in life. Thanks Becc!

First, an update

As you know, my life's not generally as exciting as that of the glitterati, but for a normal person, I've had some cool stuff going on this year. So first things first, a quick update. The year in pictures:

In March, I bought a new car:

Her name is Ruby Scarlet, and she's just lovely.
We were also due to go ballooning in March (on what would have been Sam's 16th birthday), but it was too wet. But we did go one foggy morning in April:

If you've never been in a hot air balloon, can I suggest you try it? It's a truly wonderful experience!


Of course, it wasn't all fun and shiny red cars, I did have to work. But, oh, that's right. I have a very cool job. We do some interesting things:

In April I also did my Sh'Bam instructor training. And then I went to Sydney and did Sh'Bam with 300 super-fit hotties!

And then in May, I went to Melbourne for a dear old friend's 40th. And I saw Prince. He was very cool.

Then we went to Sydney and walked across the bridge.

And swam  in a rooftop pool in the rain:

We bought some goats:

(They're gone now. They were a bit stinky! And they needed more room - and edible trees - than we could give them!)
We walked up some mountains:

And we played with Lego. In Sydney and in Canberra:

And most recently, in Milton:

(We'd lost Wally. But lots of people found him. I'll tell you about it sometime).

 And we welcomed a new member of the family:

Meet Rollo!

So yeah, all in all it was good. Good, yeah.
And before you ask, yes. I did have a nice year. And spent a lot of money. And was lucky enough to do some really cool things with my family. And that's what life (and this blog) is all about now.
I'm sure I'll get to tell you more soon. I hope you'll join me!