The day(s) my child broke.

Well, I've got lots of ideas to go on with now. Thanks everyone.

One thing that my mum suggested was a dedicated 'Sam' post each week, which I think is a damn fine idea! It will (hopefully) force me to dig through some of those memories of mine! I'll aim for a Monday post, but you know what I'm like....

Jaimee asked about Sam's broken arm. I have posted a little about it, but I thought it would be a good place to start, seeing as it's late on my first Monday back at work!

So today I chronicle the broken Sam!

I was always amazed when Samuel hurt himself. He was such a careful kid. He never went on roller coasters or rides, he didn't take risks (apart from his wheel-based hobbies, which I'll talk about another time), and liked to keep his feet on the ground.
Funnily enough, I kind of expected it from Oliver. From the time he could walk, he ran; and was always on the go. For a while we called him 'Hurricane Ollie', and people would make comments about his energy (which has ended up with him being quite sporty, which is OK); so I always expected him to be the one with broken bits and the occasional stitch. But no, it was Sam.

I think his first major fall was when he was quite young; still a toddler. I wasn't there and only heard about it later, but he was at Anthony's mum's house and actually fell off a chair and through a window! God knows how that happened! Luckily he wasn't very hurt, but perhaps we should have seen that as a sign of things to come??

The first one that I can remember happened at his friend Patrick's house. He was about 4, and they had been playing on the bed when Samuel fell off and hit his head on the door handle, ending up with a small gash on his scalp. He went of to A&E and ended up with a bit of glue on his head, that from what I can remember, he was quite proud of!

He had his share of bumps, bruises and grazes over time. He did, after all, come from my loins, and I am not always the most coordinated of folks! He was forever stubbing his toe on one thing or another, and for a while, he was (I'm ashamed to say) quite funny when he hurt himself. Instead of crying or sitting down to rest whatever he'd hurt, he tended to run up and down angrily, making a lot of noise. We'd laugh a bit, which would only make him more angry. But eventually he'd calm down enough for some first aid.

Sam broke his arm on Canberra Day(18th March) in 2007, less than 3 weeks after his 11th birthday. We had gone to a local park for a picnic dinner. The boys went off to play while I got busy getting things organised. The big boys were playing on a big twirly thing that you have to hang on to while it spins around. Anthony was swinging Samuel around, getting faster and faster. Samuel was starting to protest when he fell off, landing on his arm.
At first I thought he'd just sprained it, but it kept swelling and swelling. So we packed ourselves up and headed for A&E (we hadn't actually eaten our dinner at this time). Several hours later, Sam had been x-rayed and slinged (slung?) with instructions to front up for plaster the next day. By then he was starving, so I remember taking him to one of those caravans that sell greasy hot food and buying him a very late dinner on the way home.
He was very brave throughout it all, even when the doctor told him he might need surgery. In fact, I think (apart from the pain) he kind of enjoyed the whole thing. He got lots of attention, got to get out of some school work (why do they always break the hand they write with??), but otherwise didn't have to miss out on too much.
When he got the cast off, he insisted on keeping it (perhaps because of all the signatures on it). It STUNK, but we wrapped it up in plastic bags and shoved it in the cupboard.
I can't remember when we threw it out, but I haven't seen it for a while. So we must have...

I thought things were going quite well until April 2008. I sent Samuel outside to get some washing off the line (as I have said before, I am very happy to put my children to work!)
He came back in not long after, saying he'd hurt his leg. He pulled up his pants leg to reveal that he'd taken all of the layers of skin off a good part of his thigh. I'm not good with that sort of thing, and nearly barfed, but managed to pull myself together enough to take him up to the A&E department again. He was extremely brave, despite having local anesthetic inserted and 10 stitches. Which he was very happy to show off:
But that was Sam, good-natured through all sorts of hardships.

It was his last major injury, but not the last trip to the emergency department.

For his 12th birthday, Samuel decided to go ice skating with two of his closest friends. He'd never been before and was pretty excited.
Anthony took the boys to the rink while I did stuff at home. About half an hour after they had left, he called me to say they were going to the hospital. But it wasn't Sam this time, it was his friend. They had been on the ice for only 5 minutes when his friend fell, jabbing his skate into his calf.

By the time I got to the hospital, Anthony still hadn't been able to get in touch with his parents, so we tried hard to comfort him, while he insisted that he 'was not getting stitches'. Eventually his grandmother arrived and we were off the hook, but needless to say it was an eventful birthday for Sam.

I guess, all in all, he didn't have too bad a run. I know many kids who have broken several bones and had many stitches, so I guess one of each wasn't too bad.

And that's the story of my broken boy. Of course now I realise that he didn't really have to be so careful. It wasn't misadventure that killed him after all. But I'm not going to dwell on that.
Clumsy as he was, he was my clumsy boy. And I loved (love) him very much.

Saturday's Sensational Six

Hi all,

You thought I'd miss another Saturday, didn't you??
Well, I nearly did. I had a very busy day today. Starting with a difficult (because I'm so unfit) but satisfying (because we made it to the top!) walk up Mount Taylor with Deb and Ollie, some digging out the back, and then dinner with some friends at their place (K's family). A lovely, but tiring day.

But because I am going to try and write a post tomorrow, I thought I'd better put my photos up today. Thanks to those of you who have left comments and sent emails; I now have a few ideas to write about.

So here are today's six:

A photo of Sam

I love that nearly 7 months after he died, I can still get the occasional photo of Sam that I haven't seen before. This one was on my mother-in-law's camera. Lovely smile...

A photo of Oliver

I love this photo. It looks like one bird just told Ollie a secret and he's passing it on.

An old photo
This was taken around 1992, when I was 18. It's on my godmother's farm down near Moruya (I would move there in a heartbeat, I love her property!)

An Interesting Photo
I took this on Monday when Ollie and I went for our huge ride. The lake was like glass. (The next two days were wet and cold and horrible, but Monday was great!)

My weekly entry into the EB photo of the week challenge:

This week's theme is 'sculpture'. I read recently in a photography magazine that you shouldn't just reproduce someone else's artwork, that if you're going to photograph a sculpture, you should try and do something different with it. So I came up with this. This is a photo of a kinetic (moving) sculpture down by Lake Tuggeranong. It's called 'Angel Wings' and it's by an artist named Phil Price. I'm pretty happy with it. It was taken about half an hour after sunset, at a shutter speed of 5 seconds, and has been processed a little in 'Lightroom' (mainly cropping and colour enhancing.
This is what it looks like in the day time (and from the other side):

Morguefile Lesson Photos

Lesson 3 - ISO

This storyboard has two identical photos taken with the lowest and highest ISO settings. You can really see the 'noise' in the second one.

Stuck

Help! I'm a little stuck!

I'm having a bit of a block at the moment; possibly because I'm getting some other bits of my life together, also possibly because of the drugs.

I love blogging, but lately I've really been struggling to find (inspiration?) things to write about.

What I would really like is to write down some memories about Sam, but I seem to be blocked there most of all (either that or the ones I think of are ones I've already written about).

So I'm wondering if you lovely people can help me? I'd love some feedback or comments with some ideas about:

• Posts you'd like to see.
• Things I could give an opinion about.
• Things you'd like to know.

and most of all, memories that you have of Sam that might help jog my memory.

I'm sure I'll get my groove back soon, but I would really love some inspiration...

Thanks!

Brothers

I'm sitting here watching Oli and my 'other' son (my best friend's son, who for the last few years has been my 'middle child') play. Gee it brings back some memories.

Samuel and Oliver were never a perfect fit. There were just too many years between them. When Ollie was a baby, Sam was 8, 9...just finding his little place in the world. When Oliver was old enough to be an interesting little brother, Sam was heading into his teens, and absolutely uninterested in a pesky little brother.

Don't get me wrong, they did have their moments. I didn't tend to let Sam get away with ignoring Oliver all together, and when I gave him the choice of 'play with Oliver or do the jobs I would not be doing if I was playing with Oliver', he always chose to play with him.

And properly motivated, Samuel did play well. He taught Oliver to play board games like Headache, Mastermind and Battleship, as well as a variety of card games. He played hide and seek and went out riding in the street with Ollie. He caught animals for Oliver to touch and see up close, and he showed Oliver how to draw cool pictures. He built amazing lego spaceships (that were sometimes 'hands off', but not always) and played video games with Ollie.

I've noticed that Ollie's been feeling a bit lonely lately. I know that some of it is the reality of losing his brother sinking in. The knowledge that even though Sam did his fair share of tormenting, he was still a pretty awesome big brother. He's been very aware of death and illness and stills asks questions similar to this one, but it's more the loneliness that makes me sad. He always wants to be around me or Anthony, and likes having friends around. He's always asking if one of them can come over (or if he can go there), and gets really excited about visiting my mum and dad, or when J (the middle child) comes around.

As I write this, Ollie and J have been arguing, wrestling and carrying on just like brothers. The trouble with both of them is that they're both used to being alone and getting their own way, which makes it an interesting combination. But it's a nice one. It's nice to know that even though Ollie has lost his brother, he's still got someone who he can share that brotherly bond with.

I'm on my way....

Today I started a 'health kick'. Well, really it's a diet, but I do so hate the 'd' word.

I've been psyching myself up for the past week, as I have been very good at abusing my body over the past few months. I've been telling myself I'm enjoying all the junk I've been eating, but I really don't think I have been! My poor body certainly hasn't loved it!

At first, I thought I might do a 'detox' or a low-carb diet to get me started, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that would be a silly move. One of my biggest (and lifelong) problems has been that I am quite capable of 'dieting', it's just that when I stop 'dieting', I pile all the weight I've lost back on (and then some!).

I did have some success a few years ago. In 2004 I decided I'd change the way I did things: I ate well, exercised a lot and lost about 40 kilos. Then Anthony got sick and I started teaching in a really stressful class, and it was the beginning of the end. I was just starting to get myself back to a good routine when we lost Sam (and you know the story from there).

So instead of the detox, I thought I'd do a couple of weeks with no junk (or alcohol or sugary stuff or processed food), and then eat well and make some long term changes.

This is what I plan to do (for the next couple of weeks):

• Eat more vegetables.
• Eat more fish.
• Cut out coffee, cola and other fizzy drinks.
• Cut out alcohol.
• Cut out chocolate, lollies, cakes and biscuits.
• Drink more water.
• Exercise more.

After the two weeks, I'll hopefully not be craving them, and will be able to eat small amounts. I really think this is the key to my success: not depriving myself.

And why am I telling you all this?

I don't know actually, perhaps it will help keep me honest? Every now and again, perhaps my lovely readers you could ask me how it's going?

The First Day

I actually made a very good start today. I ate good food (muesli for breaky, chicken salad wrap for lunch, salmon and vegies for dinner), I even passed on an ice block when Ollie had one. I also did a MASSIVE amount of exercise!
Oliver and I decided we'd go for a big bike ride around the lake. So we drove out to Lake Burley Griffin and set off around the West Basin. Little did we know that it's an 18 km ride! Never mind, we set to with determination and an abundance of energy (at first!). At the halfway mark, we noticed our bums were getting sore, and by 13km we were both pretty tired. Ollie had had enough and his lovely dad came and picked him up. I managed the next 5km, and despite a very sore bum and a tired body, I felt good!

We'll see what tomorrow brings...

Saturday's Sensational Six

Short and sweet today...

A photo of Sam

This photo shows what a great big brother Sam was, and how good he was with animals. He caught the duck so that Ollie could pat it.

A photo of Oliver

Taken yesterday at Mount Franklin. A totally un-set-up photo!

An old photo
From back when we used to keep our kids in cages. 'Nuff said!

An Interesting Photo
This was taken yesterday as well. I like the composition.

My weekly entry into the EB photo of the week challenge:

This week's theme is 'love'. I chased these swans around for a good hours, trying to capture the 'love heart' shape they make with their heads together. This is close enough I thought!

Morguefile Lesson Photos

Lesson 3 - Lenses.
This was taken from the top of Mount Franklin. I love the view and the clouds and the foreground. I tried with a couple of lenses, but this one (the long one) was the best one.