I did it.
I took the plunge and spoke to my boss, and now I'm going to be working 4 days a week for the rest of the year.
Thanks everyone for your advice, support and encouragement. It's been great to have all the different perspectives to help me make my decision.
I'll keep you posted about how I go...
x
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Oh wow. So complicated...
And yet, so not complicated.
Thanks for your comments everyone. I know it's my decision to make in the end, but it has been really great to have other people's ideas and perspectives to consider. Sometimes you're just so close to a situation that you can't see it clearly. The comment section was getting quite long though, so I thought I'd respond in a new post.
Lorraine, you make some very sensible and valid points, just like my dad. I think he'd like you! My whole life, Dad has been my 'sensible'. He is always the one who can see the potential hazards or problems. That's not to say that he isn't supportive, because he (and mum, who is also very sensible but lets dad do all the voicing of the concerns!) is. Very supportive. They are very good about letting me make my own decisions though, and have always been there to help when things go wrong. I don't know what I'd do without their support and help (although hopefully I don't have to ask for that very often, and especially not this time. They have enough to worry about!). Thanks, lovely parents!
I like to think that I'm already a fairly organised mum. And a couple of the things Lorraine suggested are things I do already; like freezing meals and not ironing (or cleaning often!).
I can't get a cleaner yet as my household is so strange and crazy that I couldn't afford what they'd charge! However, when all our renos are done, I think it's something that I will definitely do! I've been saying that for years.
I like the idea of online shopping too. Must try it!
And Lorraine (and dad) are right. I don't need to be worrying about money now. That thought has been playing and playing on my mind. It's the only thing that's been stopping me from making a definite decision to cut back. To make matters even more complicated, now Anthony's going the other way: 'do it; it's only for 6 months; I've got work in the shed waiting' etc etc, which makes it even worse!
Of course, we've been much worse off in the past. As Deb said, when I was at uni, Anthony supported us and things were very tight. This made things tense at times, but we managed. What I'm thinking about doing now won't be anything like those times. And honestly, I care a lot less about having lots of money than I used to. My priorities have changed so much. Of course, we need it to prevent us ending up on the street, but I have no desire to compromise my health and happiness (or anyone else's) just to make more money.
Apart from the money, what it comes down to is this. At the moment, given my state of mind, I worry about my capacity do the job well. I'm running low on leave days, and if this past term is anything to go by, there are still going to be times when I can't face work; where I need a day (or two or three) off. Do I take my chances with that or act in anticipation of it? The question is rhetorical of course, because I can't know what's ahead. But what I do know is that teaching isn't the kind of job that allows for too many mistakes; too much instability. Who knows how long it will take me to get my head together? Hopefully not years. But it has only been six months. Is it too much to ask that I take a year at least to get my head around this? To work out who I actually am without Sam? Nobody that hasn't been through this can know the answer. Actually, I don't think anyone can know. We're all built so differently. This is just what I need.
But I must also say, Lorraine also makes a very valid point about the potential to be sitting around doing nothing. It's very possible. There have been many times that I have got to the end of the weekend or the end of the holidays and thought "is it really possible that I've done nothing at all?".
Some of that is recharging: I (we - teachers) get so tired and drained by the end of the term, it often takes a week to recover.
Some of it is also laziness. I do like doing nothing sometimes. But then again, I don't know if lazy is the right word. I don't know why we feel so guilty about relaxing. About sitting down and reading a book, or watching a good movie. Or knitting. I don't see why I should have to wait until retirement to do the things I enjoy.
But taking a day off a week to relax is not really what I had in mind. And hopefully that's not the way I would go. I must say I've done a bit of it this past week, but I've been in a bit of a slump (and adjusting to this medication). I have been doing too much thinking to be productive. But at the same time, I've also seen that side of depression - the sitting-around-doing-nothing side. And it was pretty scary. I don't mind saying that's where I was headed too. Luckily, I made the right choice to go and see my doctor, and I think he's got to me in time.
I do have plans. Things I would do in the time Oli is at school. And quite frankly I'm sick of making plans that I'm too scared or too busy to act on. I've got an idea for a children's book that I've been mulling over for a while; I've got a garden that could be a good little money maker with a bit of work (or at least make us more self-sufficient and save us a lot of money on food); I'd like to investigate photography a bit more, maybe try and sell some photos; I've got an idea for an educational web-based resource; etc etc. I am aware of the danger of putting too much stock in these things; that they may be just 'get rich quick' schemes. But how do you ever know if you don't try?
Yes, I've definitely got things that I can be doing. Productive things. Things that might give me an idea of what I want for the future. Things that might help me find myself again. Things that will make me feel like I'm living; following my intuition, my dreams.
So I guess what this means is that I've made my decision. It's scary, and it's a bit of a risk and it's probably not going to be popular with everyone, but in the end it's mine to make.
Now I just have to make it happen. That could be the hard part.
Thanks for your comments everyone. I know it's my decision to make in the end, but it has been really great to have other people's ideas and perspectives to consider. Sometimes you're just so close to a situation that you can't see it clearly. The comment section was getting quite long though, so I thought I'd respond in a new post.
Lorraine, you make some very sensible and valid points, just like my dad. I think he'd like you! My whole life, Dad has been my 'sensible'. He is always the one who can see the potential hazards or problems. That's not to say that he isn't supportive, because he (and mum, who is also very sensible but lets dad do all the voicing of the concerns!) is. Very supportive. They are very good about letting me make my own decisions though, and have always been there to help when things go wrong. I don't know what I'd do without their support and help (although hopefully I don't have to ask for that very often, and especially not this time. They have enough to worry about!). Thanks, lovely parents!
I like to think that I'm already a fairly organised mum. And a couple of the things Lorraine suggested are things I do already; like freezing meals and not ironing (or cleaning often!).
I can't get a cleaner yet as my household is so strange and crazy that I couldn't afford what they'd charge! However, when all our renos are done, I think it's something that I will definitely do! I've been saying that for years.
I like the idea of online shopping too. Must try it!
And Lorraine (and dad) are right. I don't need to be worrying about money now. That thought has been playing and playing on my mind. It's the only thing that's been stopping me from making a definite decision to cut back. To make matters even more complicated, now Anthony's going the other way: 'do it; it's only for 6 months; I've got work in the shed waiting' etc etc, which makes it even worse!
Of course, we've been much worse off in the past. As Deb said, when I was at uni, Anthony supported us and things were very tight. This made things tense at times, but we managed. What I'm thinking about doing now won't be anything like those times. And honestly, I care a lot less about having lots of money than I used to. My priorities have changed so much. Of course, we need it to prevent us ending up on the street, but I have no desire to compromise my health and happiness (or anyone else's) just to make more money.
Apart from the money, what it comes down to is this. At the moment, given my state of mind, I worry about my capacity do the job well. I'm running low on leave days, and if this past term is anything to go by, there are still going to be times when I can't face work; where I need a day (or two or three) off. Do I take my chances with that or act in anticipation of it? The question is rhetorical of course, because I can't know what's ahead. But what I do know is that teaching isn't the kind of job that allows for too many mistakes; too much instability. Who knows how long it will take me to get my head together? Hopefully not years. But it has only been six months. Is it too much to ask that I take a year at least to get my head around this? To work out who I actually am without Sam? Nobody that hasn't been through this can know the answer. Actually, I don't think anyone can know. We're all built so differently. This is just what I need.
But I must also say, Lorraine also makes a very valid point about the potential to be sitting around doing nothing. It's very possible. There have been many times that I have got to the end of the weekend or the end of the holidays and thought "is it really possible that I've done nothing at all?".
Some of that is recharging: I (we - teachers) get so tired and drained by the end of the term, it often takes a week to recover.
Some of it is also laziness. I do like doing nothing sometimes. But then again, I don't know if lazy is the right word. I don't know why we feel so guilty about relaxing. About sitting down and reading a book, or watching a good movie. Or knitting. I don't see why I should have to wait until retirement to do the things I enjoy.
But taking a day off a week to relax is not really what I had in mind. And hopefully that's not the way I would go. I must say I've done a bit of it this past week, but I've been in a bit of a slump (and adjusting to this medication). I have been doing too much thinking to be productive. But at the same time, I've also seen that side of depression - the sitting-around-doing-nothing side. And it was pretty scary. I don't mind saying that's where I was headed too. Luckily, I made the right choice to go and see my doctor, and I think he's got to me in time.
I do have plans. Things I would do in the time Oli is at school. And quite frankly I'm sick of making plans that I'm too scared or too busy to act on. I've got an idea for a children's book that I've been mulling over for a while; I've got a garden that could be a good little money maker with a bit of work (or at least make us more self-sufficient and save us a lot of money on food); I'd like to investigate photography a bit more, maybe try and sell some photos; I've got an idea for an educational web-based resource; etc etc. I am aware of the danger of putting too much stock in these things; that they may be just 'get rich quick' schemes. But how do you ever know if you don't try?
Yes, I've definitely got things that I can be doing. Productive things. Things that might give me an idea of what I want for the future. Things that might help me find myself again. Things that will make me feel like I'm living; following my intuition, my dreams.
So I guess what this means is that I've made my decision. It's scary, and it's a bit of a risk and it's probably not going to be popular with everyone, but in the end it's mine to make.
Now I just have to make it happen. That could be the hard part.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Saturday's Sensational Six
OK, enough of this melancholy, feeling-sorry-for-myself stuff. Time for some photos.
I've been experimenting with Dad's (my?) camera, and must say that I still have a lot to learn. Some of it is the camera and some of it is me. Sometimes I think I took better photos when I didn't know anything about photography! I'm not entirely happy with many of the photos I've been taking lately. Hopefully it's a passing phase, and once I'm past the learning/experimental phase, they'll get better.
I've also bought Photoshop, which I should be able to start using tomorrow. Another learning curve, I know, but it should hopefully be a good editing/processing tool to make my photos even better.
So, here are today's:
Look at those long eyelashes!
An old photo
Me and Deb waaaaaaay back in primary school (hope you don't mind Deb - I'll take it down if you do!)
An Interesting Photo
I think it was Wednesday morning, I noticed that the hill not far from our house was almost glowing! I wish I'd gone closer, but it didn't last long anyway.
This week's theme is 'portrait'. Portraits are definitely not my strength. I was trying to get a good one of mum and dad, but none worked out quite the way I wanted. I took this one of Ollie the other day (he saw me teaching myself how to knit and decided he'd learn too), it's quite nice, although I think I could make it better with Photoshop or something.
Lesson 3 - Lenses.
I've been doing a bit more fiddling with the lenses; just trying them out and getting to know them. This one is with the longer lens (150mm). The big building in the background was about 4km as the crow flies) from where I was standing.
I've been experimenting with Dad's (my?) camera, and must say that I still have a lot to learn. Some of it is the camera and some of it is me. Sometimes I think I took better photos when I didn't know anything about photography! I'm not entirely happy with many of the photos I've been taking lately. Hopefully it's a passing phase, and once I'm past the learning/experimental phase, they'll get better.
I've also bought Photoshop, which I should be able to start using tomorrow. Another learning curve, I know, but it should hopefully be a good editing/processing tool to make my photos even better.
So, here are today's:
A photo of Sam
A typical Sam pose. Bare feet, relaxed stance, cool expression. He's on our 'famous' front deck.
A typical Sam pose. Bare feet, relaxed stance, cool expression. He's on our 'famous' front deck.A photo of Oliver
Look at those long eyelashes!An old photo
Me and Deb waaaaaaay back in primary school (hope you don't mind Deb - I'll take it down if you do!)
An Interesting Photo
I think it was Wednesday morning, I noticed that the hill not far from our house was almost glowing! I wish I'd gone closer, but it didn't last long anyway.
This week's theme is 'portrait'. Portraits are definitely not my strength. I was trying to get a good one of mum and dad, but none worked out quite the way I wanted. I took this one of Ollie the other day (he saw me teaching myself how to knit and decided he'd learn too), it's quite nice, although I think I could make it better with Photoshop or something.Morguefile Lesson Photos
Lesson 3 - Lenses.
I've been doing a bit more fiddling with the lenses; just trying them out and getting to know them. This one is with the longer lens (150mm). The big building in the background was about 4km as the crow flies) from where I was standing.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Midlife Crisis
You're perfect, yes it's true.
But without me you're only you...
Faith No More - Midlife Crisis
Is it possible to have one at 36?
Don't worry readers, I'm not about to go out and buy a ferrari or find myself a toyboy!
Now I know you're all saying, she's had this traumatic experience, she's depressed, she's not herself...and you may well be right. But I wonder if I'm thinking differently because of these things, or if I would have come to these conclusions eventually anyway.
Please bear with me (or not - your choice as always), as I think out loud.
Of course nothing's ever simple with me; not lately anyway. I have some thoughts that run over and over in my mind, and then others that pop in and out that seem to contradict each other. It's very confusing sometimes, and probably not helped by the drugs I'm now taking. I can't make any sense of things by talking either, because of my general inability to express myself verbally.
Let me explain (because by writing it all down; and maybe even getting some other people's perspectives - I'm sure Anthony's sick of me babbling - I might be able to make some sense of it):
The one, overriding thought I have at the moment; and I don't think it's been brought on by the drugs or the depression, because I've had it for a while; is that I just don't know who I am any more. It's not that I have amnesia or anything, it's just that the things I want and the way I want to operate have changed. I know I'm still a mum, and a partner, and a daughter, and a sister, but I feel like I've changed, but don't know how I've changed. My opinions and values seem to have shifted, that's for sure!
Prior to Sam's death, I was probably a workaholic (I think I even thought of myself like that afterwards too, as this post seems to be saying). At the very least I was one of those people who spent far too much time working or thinking about work.
And it was OK. I justified it in any number of ways and, I thought, was feeling OK about it all. After all, I was still in the early stages of my career, and getting my head around everything. Of course, when I was still working hard well into my 4th year, I guess I knew it was more than working the job out.
But now, I don't want to be that person. I do like teaching, and I do like working, but all I want to do is be here for Ollie. I want to be able to walk him to school every now and then, or go to his assemblies. I want to have enough energy at the end of the week to be able to go for a bike ride, kick a soccer ball around, watch a movie with him without falling asleep. They grow so quickly, and I've only got one now. It's so hard to know I'm not there for him.
Of course, Anthony is here for him, and he is very lucky to have his dad here, I've always said that. But I want to be here for some of it too!
When I said this to my parents yesterday, they spoke of leaving me at day care and crying all the way to work. I'm sure this is pretty normal for all parents when they leave their kids in care, and certainly I already felt that way. But now, it's stronger. Maybe because I've lost one child already, and I want to hang on desperately to the only one I have left. To experience every moment.
Of course I realise that there aren't many jobs that pay well that also allow you these things. And that's part of the frustration. I do actually like teaching sometimes too! I love the relationships you develop with people; I love that you can do different things every day; I love the constant learning that's involved. But sometimes it doesn't seem worth the effort and emotional investment. Especially when you're trading off your family to do it.
To tell you the truth, as much as I didn't want to take the whole week off, I'm glad I did. It's not like I've done much, but it has been nice to be here not doing much. I've loved being here every morning and every afternoon to see Oliver.
So it comes down to this. What I keep coming back to; what I really think I would like, is to just work 4 days a week until the end of the year. It started as just a little thought, but now it is almost all-consuming. I think it's also a bit of a compromise for my crazed mind, because sometimes all I want to to is run and keep running! Go somewhere that there are no reminders, no stresses. I know that place doesn't really exist, so I've gone for a compromise aimed at saving my sanity. I keep weighing up the pros and cons, and it's about even, so I don't know where to go. Maybe you can help me?
Pros
Can you see my dilemma? Of course, it is possible that this is all because I'm looking at the world through a different lens, and some of you might be able to help me see reason one way or another. Maybe you could add to my pros and cons list. All I know is that if I keep running it all around in my head, I'll go even more crazy!
But without me you're only you...
Faith No More - Midlife Crisis
Is it possible to have one at 36?
Don't worry readers, I'm not about to go out and buy a ferrari or find myself a toyboy!
Now I know you're all saying, she's had this traumatic experience, she's depressed, she's not herself...and you may well be right. But I wonder if I'm thinking differently because of these things, or if I would have come to these conclusions eventually anyway.
Please bear with me (or not - your choice as always), as I think out loud.
Of course nothing's ever simple with me; not lately anyway. I have some thoughts that run over and over in my mind, and then others that pop in and out that seem to contradict each other. It's very confusing sometimes, and probably not helped by the drugs I'm now taking. I can't make any sense of things by talking either, because of my general inability to express myself verbally.
Let me explain (because by writing it all down; and maybe even getting some other people's perspectives - I'm sure Anthony's sick of me babbling - I might be able to make some sense of it):
The one, overriding thought I have at the moment; and I don't think it's been brought on by the drugs or the depression, because I've had it for a while; is that I just don't know who I am any more. It's not that I have amnesia or anything, it's just that the things I want and the way I want to operate have changed. I know I'm still a mum, and a partner, and a daughter, and a sister, but I feel like I've changed, but don't know how I've changed. My opinions and values seem to have shifted, that's for sure!
Prior to Sam's death, I was probably a workaholic (I think I even thought of myself like that afterwards too, as this post seems to be saying). At the very least I was one of those people who spent far too much time working or thinking about work.
And it was OK. I justified it in any number of ways and, I thought, was feeling OK about it all. After all, I was still in the early stages of my career, and getting my head around everything. Of course, when I was still working hard well into my 4th year, I guess I knew it was more than working the job out.
But now, I don't want to be that person. I do like teaching, and I do like working, but all I want to do is be here for Ollie. I want to be able to walk him to school every now and then, or go to his assemblies. I want to have enough energy at the end of the week to be able to go for a bike ride, kick a soccer ball around, watch a movie with him without falling asleep. They grow so quickly, and I've only got one now. It's so hard to know I'm not there for him.
Of course, Anthony is here for him, and he is very lucky to have his dad here, I've always said that. But I want to be here for some of it too!
When I said this to my parents yesterday, they spoke of leaving me at day care and crying all the way to work. I'm sure this is pretty normal for all parents when they leave their kids in care, and certainly I already felt that way. But now, it's stronger. Maybe because I've lost one child already, and I want to hang on desperately to the only one I have left. To experience every moment.
Of course I realise that there aren't many jobs that pay well that also allow you these things. And that's part of the frustration. I do actually like teaching sometimes too! I love the relationships you develop with people; I love that you can do different things every day; I love the constant learning that's involved. But sometimes it doesn't seem worth the effort and emotional investment. Especially when you're trading off your family to do it.
To tell you the truth, as much as I didn't want to take the whole week off, I'm glad I did. It's not like I've done much, but it has been nice to be here not doing much. I've loved being here every morning and every afternoon to see Oliver.
So it comes down to this. What I keep coming back to; what I really think I would like, is to just work 4 days a week until the end of the year. It started as just a little thought, but now it is almost all-consuming. I think it's also a bit of a compromise for my crazed mind, because sometimes all I want to to is run and keep running! Go somewhere that there are no reminders, no stresses. I know that place doesn't really exist, so I've gone for a compromise aimed at saving my sanity. I keep weighing up the pros and cons, and it's about even, so I don't know where to go. Maybe you can help me?
Pros
- More time with Ollie.
- I can make an appearance at Ollie's school once a week.
- I can have some time to myself to work things out in my head (without Ollie/weekend stuff happening around me).
- I can try some other things (like maybe doing some writing - a book?, photography etc).
- We would be around $350-$400 worse off per fortnight (would not affect mortgage, bills too much, but would mean some belt-tightening).
- It *may* hurt my career options in teaching (although I don't really believe that, as I do have a fairly good name in the profession anyway, and it is only one semester).
- The school would be inconvenienced.
Can you see my dilemma? Of course, it is possible that this is all because I'm looking at the world through a different lens, and some of you might be able to help me see reason one way or another. Maybe you could add to my pros and cons list. All I know is that if I keep running it all around in my head, I'll go even more crazy!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Fashion, Family and Feats: my life in 5 year bursts...
The last few posts have been a little melancholy, so I thought I'd jump in on another Blog This challenge:
Over the past few years, I have been thinking about how it would be nice to write some kind of a memoir (I know, I know, I'm only 36, but I've had a fairly interesting life up until now!), but that it's always so hard to remember stuff. This challenge will be a good place to start. As always, I've used photos to hopefully trigger some memories, and give me (and you) a bit of a giggle...
5 Years Ago
Feats and Finances - In 2005, I graduated from university. I was 32. I hadn't gone to uni after year 12, as I had a little bit of living I wanted to do. ;p
I quite enjoyed uni, despite giving birth to a baby halfway through my degree. I did well, with a distinction average, and managed not to piss too many people off! I was offered a permanent job in November and spent the last few weeks of the school year working as a relief teacher, mainly at Birrigai, which is an awesome outdoor education school here in the ACT.
Family - In 2005, Oliver was 2 and Sam was 9. I think, deep down, Sam was proud of his mum becoming a teacher, but there was NO WAY he was going to let me teach at his school! Not that I would have anyway!
2005 was also the year that Anthony started getting serious about birds. It started off with a bunch of red rump parrots given to him by a friend, and a stray galah rescued from the side of the road. Now, we have hundreds of parrots of all different shapes and sizes (I'll write about them some time)!
Fashion - In 2005, I had already lost a fair bit of weight. I had been going to the gym regularly and eating well. At the time I said I wasn't dieting, but I certainly didn't eat heaps of junk. In the photo above, I think I'd already lost about 25 kilos. By my birthday/graduation it was over 30 kilos. So 2005 (and 2006) were the years I got interested in fashion again. I could walk in and buy something off the rack. Granted, it was usually a size 14-18 (sizing is just so inconsistent, isn't it!), but it FIT!
Now, of course, I've put almost all that weight on again! Sigh...
10 Years Ago
Family - In 2000, we were well on our way to establishing ourselves as a family. We'd bought our house (in 1998) and were busily knocking down walls, (we still haven't patched all the plaster!) planting our garden and ripping up carpets.
We went on our first 'family holiday' to Sydney, staying in a horrid hotel (above the pub; shared bathroom) in Wynyard in Sydney. We had a nice time though, walking almost everywhere (my boys have always had good stamina for walking - I truly believe it's the best way to see a place!) and doing lots of touristy things.
Samuel started preschool in 2000, and met some of the friends that he kept close until the day he died. He was quite young for preschool; three when he started, but he coped very well with it. We had no doubt that he was ready for it!
Work - In 2000 I had been working at the local cinema for 7 years. Some time around 2000, the management changed and it wasn't as nice a place to work. By 2000 I was the chief projectionist, and had started working as a shift supervisor for some shifts. I liked the shift work, as it meant I could do some of the school stuff (I was on the fund raising committee that year).
Anthony's business was going pretty well; and he was starting to pick up some pretty important jobs around town.
Fashion - In 2000, I didn't really worry about fashion too much. I wore a uniform at work, and as my job was fairly active and dirty, my clothes weren't particularly high fashion. I wore 'comfortable' clothes in my down time, many of which were fairly androgynous. I don't remember it being a particularly conscious choice, it was just what I liked. I was probably also a little conscious of my body/extra weight (which funnily enough, was not nearly as much of a problem as it is now!)
15 Years ago
For some reason, I couldn't find a single photo of me in 1995. This one was taken on New Year's Eve 1994, so it's close:
We were going to a 21st birthday party, with a medieval theme. Anthony must have really liked me even then, for me to talk him into dressing up like that!
Family - 1995 was the year I fell pregnant. I've told this story before, but Anthony and I had been together only about 5 months when I found out. A pretty heavy thing for both of us to have to deal with: me at 21 and him at 23. But we did OK out of it, I think.
Feats and Finances - In 1995, I was busy working as a projectionist at the local cinema. I'd been working there since 1992, and had been asking for a while to work in the projection room. I was told a few times that 'women don't do that job', but kept up my campaign until they gave me the job. I did it pretty well too, and then about 6 months into the job, found out I was pregnant (oh the irony!).
Fashion - Oh how I wish I had some photos for you! 1n 1995, there weren't the lovely, high fashion maternity clothes that there are now. There were (at least in the places I shopped) sacks, smocks and the occasional muumuu. My mum made me a few good bits and pieces (she's a highly talented lady that one, especially when it comes to anything requiring a needle!), but mostly I wore caftans and other shapeless, horrible things. Luckily, it was summer when I was heavily pregnant, so I spent most of my time in water, requiring little by the way of fashion!
20 Years Ago
Family - Well in 1990 I was 16, so I was still ensconced in my 'first' family. I was in year 11, and it was a very exciting year. I found (and lost) my first 'real' boyfriend, met my best friend Sally, and went overseas for the second time in my life (in 1988 I had gone to Indonesia with school as part of the language program).
Feats and Finances - In September 1990, I went to the USA with the ACT Senior Concert Band. We went all over the states, playing concerts as we went. We went to Washington D.C, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Small-town Wisconsin and lots of places in between. We even played a couple of shows at Disneyland. My dad came along for the ride, and quite possibly had more fun than I did, but it was a great experience!
Fashion - I was 16, and above average weight-wise (god I'd love to be that 'fat' again!), so I probably wasn't going to squeeze myself into some of the stuff other 16 year olds were wearing. Which believe me, is NOTHING like what modern day 16 year olds are wearing! I was more of a jeans and Dr Martens girl anyway, and for the most part, made fairly acceptable fashion choices!
25 Years Ago
Family - In 1985 I was 12. I was in year 6 and excited about high school, from what I remember! We'd been living in our house for 4 years, and I'd made some pretty good friends around the neighbourhood. Our area was still pretty new, but growing rapidly.
Feats and Finances - I seem to remember I was OK at writing in primary school, and quite enjoyed drama. I generally got pretty good reports and got along with most people. It's very possible that I tried my first cigarette in year 6 (but don't tell my mum and dad!).
Fashion - It was the 80s! What can I tell you, except that I was no exception! I don't know if these are all 1985, but they were definitely taken between 1983 and 1986. Note the socks and sandals!
30 Years Ago
Well there's not really all that much I can tell you. It was 1980, I was 6, and I obviously liked pink ponchos. 'nuff said!
35 Years Ago
The year was 1975...I was nearly 2, completely gorgeous:
and possibly slightly perturbed at the arrival of my little brother:
Isn't it amazing how much goes on in 5 years? So many changes in between those times...
I wonder what I'll be doing in 2015??
Oh, and if you liked this post, please feel free to vote for it.
What were you doing 5, 10, 15, 20 etc years ago? 2005. 2000. 1995. 1990. 1985. 1980. 1975... Just go back as far as you can, we have a wide range of ages in our contributors!
Words, pictures or both, whatever you please.
Words, pictures or both, whatever you please.
Over the past few years, I have been thinking about how it would be nice to write some kind of a memoir (I know, I know, I'm only 36, but I've had a fairly interesting life up until now!), but that it's always so hard to remember stuff. This challenge will be a good place to start. As always, I've used photos to hopefully trigger some memories, and give me (and you) a bit of a giggle...
5 Years Ago
Feats and Finances - In 2005, I graduated from university. I was 32. I hadn't gone to uni after year 12, as I had a little bit of living I wanted to do. ;p
I quite enjoyed uni, despite giving birth to a baby halfway through my degree. I did well, with a distinction average, and managed not to piss too many people off! I was offered a permanent job in November and spent the last few weeks of the school year working as a relief teacher, mainly at Birrigai, which is an awesome outdoor education school here in the ACT.Family - In 2005, Oliver was 2 and Sam was 9. I think, deep down, Sam was proud of his mum becoming a teacher, but there was NO WAY he was going to let me teach at his school! Not that I would have anyway!
2005 was also the year that Anthony started getting serious about birds. It started off with a bunch of red rump parrots given to him by a friend, and a stray galah rescued from the side of the road. Now, we have hundreds of parrots of all different shapes and sizes (I'll write about them some time)!Fashion - In 2005, I had already lost a fair bit of weight. I had been going to the gym regularly and eating well. At the time I said I wasn't dieting, but I certainly didn't eat heaps of junk. In the photo above, I think I'd already lost about 25 kilos. By my birthday/graduation it was over 30 kilos. So 2005 (and 2006) were the years I got interested in fashion again. I could walk in and buy something off the rack. Granted, it was usually a size 14-18 (sizing is just so inconsistent, isn't it!), but it FIT!
Now, of course, I've put almost all that weight on again! Sigh...
10 Years Ago
Family - In 2000, we were well on our way to establishing ourselves as a family. We'd bought our house (in 1998) and were busily knocking down walls, (we still haven't patched all the plaster!) planting our garden and ripping up carpets.
We went on our first 'family holiday' to Sydney, staying in a horrid hotel (above the pub; shared bathroom) in Wynyard in Sydney. We had a nice time though, walking almost everywhere (my boys have always had good stamina for walking - I truly believe it's the best way to see a place!) and doing lots of touristy things.
Samuel started preschool in 2000, and met some of the friends that he kept close until the day he died. He was quite young for preschool; three when he started, but he coped very well with it. We had no doubt that he was ready for it!Work - In 2000 I had been working at the local cinema for 7 years. Some time around 2000, the management changed and it wasn't as nice a place to work. By 2000 I was the chief projectionist, and had started working as a shift supervisor for some shifts. I liked the shift work, as it meant I could do some of the school stuff (I was on the fund raising committee that year).
Anthony's business was going pretty well; and he was starting to pick up some pretty important jobs around town.
Fashion - In 2000, I didn't really worry about fashion too much. I wore a uniform at work, and as my job was fairly active and dirty, my clothes weren't particularly high fashion. I wore 'comfortable' clothes in my down time, many of which were fairly androgynous. I don't remember it being a particularly conscious choice, it was just what I liked. I was probably also a little conscious of my body/extra weight (which funnily enough, was not nearly as much of a problem as it is now!)
15 Years ago
For some reason, I couldn't find a single photo of me in 1995. This one was taken on New Year's Eve 1994, so it's close:
We were going to a 21st birthday party, with a medieval theme. Anthony must have really liked me even then, for me to talk him into dressing up like that!Family - 1995 was the year I fell pregnant. I've told this story before, but Anthony and I had been together only about 5 months when I found out. A pretty heavy thing for both of us to have to deal with: me at 21 and him at 23. But we did OK out of it, I think.
Feats and Finances - In 1995, I was busy working as a projectionist at the local cinema. I'd been working there since 1992, and had been asking for a while to work in the projection room. I was told a few times that 'women don't do that job', but kept up my campaign until they gave me the job. I did it pretty well too, and then about 6 months into the job, found out I was pregnant (oh the irony!).
Fashion - Oh how I wish I had some photos for you! 1n 1995, there weren't the lovely, high fashion maternity clothes that there are now. There were (at least in the places I shopped) sacks, smocks and the occasional muumuu. My mum made me a few good bits and pieces (she's a highly talented lady that one, especially when it comes to anything requiring a needle!), but mostly I wore caftans and other shapeless, horrible things. Luckily, it was summer when I was heavily pregnant, so I spent most of my time in water, requiring little by the way of fashion!
20 Years Ago
Family - Well in 1990 I was 16, so I was still ensconced in my 'first' family. I was in year 11, and it was a very exciting year. I found (and lost) my first 'real' boyfriend, met my best friend Sally, and went overseas for the second time in my life (in 1988 I had gone to Indonesia with school as part of the language program).
Feats and Finances - In September 1990, I went to the USA with the ACT Senior Concert Band. We went all over the states, playing concerts as we went. We went to Washington D.C, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Small-town Wisconsin and lots of places in between. We even played a couple of shows at Disneyland. My dad came along for the ride, and quite possibly had more fun than I did, but it was a great experience!
Fashion - I was 16, and above average weight-wise (god I'd love to be that 'fat' again!), so I probably wasn't going to squeeze myself into some of the stuff other 16 year olds were wearing. Which believe me, is NOTHING like what modern day 16 year olds are wearing! I was more of a jeans and Dr Martens girl anyway, and for the most part, made fairly acceptable fashion choices!
25 Years AgoFamily - In 1985 I was 12. I was in year 6 and excited about high school, from what I remember! We'd been living in our house for 4 years, and I'd made some pretty good friends around the neighbourhood. Our area was still pretty new, but growing rapidly.
Feats and Finances - I seem to remember I was OK at writing in primary school, and quite enjoyed drama. I generally got pretty good reports and got along with most people. It's very possible that I tried my first cigarette in year 6 (but don't tell my mum and dad!).Fashion - It was the 80s! What can I tell you, except that I was no exception! I don't know if these are all 1985, but they were definitely taken between 1983 and 1986. Note the socks and sandals!
30 Years AgoWell there's not really all that much I can tell you. It was 1980, I was 6, and I obviously liked pink ponchos. 'nuff said!
35 Years AgoThe year was 1975...I was nearly 2, completely gorgeous:
and possibly slightly perturbed at the arrival of my little brother:
Isn't it amazing how much goes on in 5 years? So many changes in between those times...I wonder what I'll be doing in 2015??
Oh, and if you liked this post, please feel free to vote for it.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
The Black Dog Barks
It's official. I am depressed.
Thankfully, it's a reactive form of depression, brought on by recent events (and some would argue, my crazy compulsion to look after everyone else but myself).
The doctor has given me some medication and told me to take the rest of the week off. Both suggestions troubled me initially: firstly, I am always hesitant to take any kind of drugs, and secondly, because I was concerned that time off might cause people to see me as unreliable (yes dad, I do take in the things you say!).
After some thought though, and a conversation with my sensible, experienced and wonderful best friend, I decided to follow the doctor's advice. He is a doctor after all!
So I'll be taking anti-depressants for the next few months, and will hopefully get my mojo back.
As for work, as Sally said, until this catastrophic event exploded into my life, my actions and achievements spoke for themselves (I know I'm going to have to keep reminding myself of these, as that terrible 'teacher guilt' creeps in). I was (am) a well-liked, highly skilled, respected, prize-winning (fully funded places in 2 separate conferences in two years), published (my maths unit on a national teaching website), interviewed (for the national union's magazine) teacher who has just hit a bump in the road. Those are the things that I will keep telling myself are important, not my current rate of absences. When I really think about it, I do love teaching, it's just that my judgement is clouded.
But the main thing is (once again I can credit Sally for this) that I have to look after myself. I have been busy looking after everyone else and have neglected myself. If I don't slow down, there will be an even bigger crash.
Thankfully, it's a reactive form of depression, brought on by recent events (and some would argue, my crazy compulsion to look after everyone else but myself).
The doctor has given me some medication and told me to take the rest of the week off. Both suggestions troubled me initially: firstly, I am always hesitant to take any kind of drugs, and secondly, because I was concerned that time off might cause people to see me as unreliable (yes dad, I do take in the things you say!).
After some thought though, and a conversation with my sensible, experienced and wonderful best friend, I decided to follow the doctor's advice. He is a doctor after all!
So I'll be taking anti-depressants for the next few months, and will hopefully get my mojo back.
As for work, as Sally said, until this catastrophic event exploded into my life, my actions and achievements spoke for themselves (I know I'm going to have to keep reminding myself of these, as that terrible 'teacher guilt' creeps in). I was (am) a well-liked, highly skilled, respected, prize-winning (fully funded places in 2 separate conferences in two years), published (my maths unit on a national teaching website), interviewed (for the national union's magazine) teacher who has just hit a bump in the road. Those are the things that I will keep telling myself are important, not my current rate of absences. When I really think about it, I do love teaching, it's just that my judgement is clouded.
But the main thing is (once again I can credit Sally for this) that I have to look after myself. I have been busy looking after everyone else and have neglected myself. If I don't slow down, there will be an even bigger crash.
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