A couple of posts ago, I wrote about the changing face of my grief, and how some of it was accompanied by guilt.
I got a couple of wonderful responses that I wanted to draw your attention to. Click here to read them.
When Sam died, people kept saying things like 'it will get easier' or 'in time you'll fee better'. At the time, I thought that it couldn't possibly be true, that the incredible pain and shock that I was feeling would be with me forever. That I'd always have trouble functioning (doing the 'mundane' things, as Susan mentioned in her comment), and even that I'd never want to face the world again (I had a very hard time leaving the house at all in the first month or so after Sam died).
As time went on, and things didn't hurt quite so much, I started to think that maybe we'd be OK. But there was that guilt about the good days, that if I showed people I was OK, they'd think I'd forgotten Sam.
Now, I know that I'm going to be OK. Better yet, I know that (most of) the people around me are too, especially Anthony and Oliver. There are still those guilt moments, but they don't happen so often. I could even see myself saying those very words to someone else going through this: 'it will get better in time'.
It does get better in time. I guess for some people, that time might be a little longer, but it does get better. And even though we've tried hard all along to keep Sam's memory alive, now it is even easier, because we don't feel that extreme sadness when we do talk about him. We can laugh about the great memories we had, we can smile when we think of what he did for us.
So what next?
The purpose of this blog in the beginning was to document my grief, and share my memories of Sam. I still have a few of them to share, so I will continue to do that. I'm sure there'll also be some times when I'll need to write about the grief too. But I hope you don't mind if I branch out a bit.
I love to write, and I'd like to use this space to write about a whole range of things. It will mean the blog is a little different, but I hope there will still be enough to keep my wonderful readers interested. I'd love it if you could stay with me.