As I have been thinking about what to write in my blog, I have toyed with the idea of a movie 'review' every now and then. I don't want to do it all the time, as there are plenty of people who do that already, and probably better. Such as my lovely brother-in-law, who runs the Facebook page I Love Movies (check it out, won't you? As a favour to me??)
I always fancied myself as a bit of a movie 'expert'. More because of the sheer volume of movies that I've watched than any particular talent, but isn't bluff and bluster half the work of being a movie reviewer? So bear with me, dear readers, as I share my opinions, wanted or not. Perhaps you can also share yours with me?
I'm going to start my first 'review' with Transformers 3:
As I wasn't a huge fan of the first two Transformers movies, I wasn't expecting much from the third instalment.
The premise was good; that the 1969 moon landing was a front for an alien salvage operation (not a spoiler guys, I promise!), but the potential for a great story got lost somewhere in the ruckus.
Don't get me wrong, I do like a good Michael Bay movie. There's nothing like The Rock, Armageddon or the Bad Boys movies for some good ol' empty headed action.
And the action scenes are good I guess. They are well choreographed and shot beautifully (the city-in-carnage scenes were quite spectacular) but like the rest of the movie, they were empty. There was nothing in the movie for me to invest my emotions into. I didn't really care if the whole lot of 'em got blown out into space.
There were a couple of funny moments. John Malkovich was the best I have seen him in a long time (I've gone right off him since his horrible portrayal of a Russian mobster in Rounders, and his even-worse Frenchman in Johnny English). He was funny and not too over the top. What a shame there wasn't more of him. Ken Jeong made me cringe with the antics of his paranoid office worker, and Kevin Dunn and Julie white were funny (as always) as Sam's very 'interesting' parents.
Sadly, Frances McDormand (who I love, normally), John Turturro (another favourite) and Patrick Dempsey all seemed to be phoning it in, and Rosie Huntington-Whitely (as Carly) was...well...just awful. Though in her defence, she probably wasn't hired for her acting talents (once you see her in the white dress you'll understand).
I know it's probably a Michael Bay signature, but I cringed at the sight of the tattered American flag flying high, and the shot of Carly walking in slow-mo as chaos reigned behind her. ACH!
And before you shout 'but the kids will love it!', well I know of one 7 year old who didn't. Oliver's comment was 'how come the last movies are never as good as the first ones?'
Normally, I'd go and see an action movie for some pure escapism. Where I could leave my brain behind and have a good laugh, worry about the fate of the character/world/universe, and come out a little pumped on adrenalin. While I did laugh, this was probably only due to intentional humour once.
Unless you're a transformers fan, or love looking at swollen-lipped supermodels draped over luxury cars, I'd give it a miss.
I'd give it 1 out of 5. What did you think?