It's all gotta go!

I am going to lose half my body weight.
It's true! I am!

It might take me a long time, but I'm gonna do it! And...I'm taking a big risk telling you, dear readers.

Ach! Did I really just admit it? Why did I do that?
Number one because it's a big thing for me to admit to. Yes, I am horribly overweight (OK, obese), and I need to do something about it. It's a pretty big step for me to say it loud though. After all, who wants to admit they've failed at something? Especially me?

Number two because telling people makes me accountable. Now that might be a good thing, for accountability's sake (well, duh!), but it's also a big risk, especially if I stuff it up. Which is possible, because I'm a bit of a self-sabotager (more about that later).

But why now?
Well, you'd have to be pretty dumb to think that it's OK to be overweight. I mean, the evidence is pretty clear that it's not a good place to be.
I've certainly got by on not losing weight. I've always been pretty active, and have always had good blood/pressure/cholesterol. Good genes maybe? Or just luck?
But...I mentioned in my last post that my doctor told me that I'm on the verge of diabetes. That's nothing new to me really - my grandmother developed type two diabetes when she was older, so it's in the blood, and I'd long suspected that my habits might catch up to me sooner or later. In fact, part of me had anticipated that my blood tests would show I already had it.
But I was lucky. I didn't. And if that's not a wake-up call, I don't know what is.

I don't want to die early. I don't want to be incapacitated. I don't want to live the second half of my life counting the pills I have to take each morning. I want to be awesome, and successful and travel and create! I can't do that as easily if (a) I'm diabetic, and (b) I'm HUGE.

But haven't you done this before?
Yes, yes I have. Quite a few times actually (in fact, I've documented most of the whole silly story already). And no, I don't know if this time I'll do it better. But I'm damn well gonna try.

Ok, so what are you going to do?
Well, as I've said previously, I've tried a few different things. I've never gone down the Weight Watchers/Jenny Craig road, nor the surgery/extreme measures road (though god knows I've contemplated it!), but I've definitely done near-starvation and over-exercising.
The most success I've had (a good 40 kilos worth) was through good eating and regular exercise. I hope I can be that good again.

Because that's what I've decided to do again. I did consider a lap band (some people close to me have done it, with much success), but can't stand the thought of the things I'd have to give up - or the cost. I also looked into Atkins and Cohens (etc), but all seemed just too prescriptive for me. I just tend to rebel (even if mentally) if people tell me what I can (and can't) do, and once I go back to 'normal', that's the end of me!

I am making a few compromises to get me started. I am going to cut out starchy carbs for a while. You know, the potatoes, lollies, cakes and white bread etc, with a slight leaning to Atkins principles, but with a healthy measure of low GI too. Just to get me started. Because I need to see some results quickly.
Once I lose about 10 kilos, I'm going to go back to refining my diet for a long term lifestyle change.
It's going to be based on low GI principles, because I think my blood sugar has something to do with all this. But it's going to be something I can sustain. I still want to be able to eat the occasional Toblerone Cheesecake, or Goodberry's or delicious double brie, but I need to learn to do that in moderation.

I think it will be OK. My tastes and habits have changed a fair bit over the years. I actually like vegetables a whole lot more now, and I'm already in a pretty good exercise habit. It's just making some permanent changes to portion size and sugar consumption.

So I may well vent my frustrations along the way, and I'll definitely keep you up to date with how I'm going. But please, do hold me accountable. Ask me now and then how it's going. Oh don't worry, I'll tell you!

Hello?

I know, it's very cheeky of me to think that anyone would still be around after completely neglecting my ever-faithful readers for the last month, but I thought I'd better pop my head in.

In my defence, I've been exceptionally busy since I last spoke with you, not to mention horribly ill for the last couple of days (it's so nice to be able to sit up for any length of time!)
Mind you, I'm not completely better yet. I got hit with a very rapid onset cold on Monday night, and have been in bed since. In fact, I'm writing this while all snuggled up. I think I've got a little bit of a chest infection to be honest, so if I'm not better tomorrow, it's back to the doc. I don't want to get pneumonia (again).

So, my last post was on the 29th of August. I've had many adventures since then: There's been a strike, which is always interesting, if nothing else. There's been lots of work-related hi-jinx with some new, and very interesting and fun, colleagues - did you know it's been a whole year since I started my new job? And I still love it!
I've also started my other casual job doing some tutoring at the Uni. That's been a lot of fun too, though at times frustrating (I'm a little pedantic about spelling and these are university students - I'll say no more...), and scary (do I really know enough to teach at a university level?). I'm even giving a lecture next week, which is even more scary! Still, I'm glad to be doing it. It's a nice kind of teaching.

We had Father's Day, which was a pretty quiet affair, with my Dad away and me not 100% (what is it with me lately?), but the boys did some nice kite flying:

We have also been busy creating a 'Lego Room'. We have an old trailer/caravan thing that's been sitting out in the backyard full of junk, so we cleaned it out (chucking most of the junk out thank goodness!), and moved all the Lego from Oliver's room.

Last week, James and I went to see The Living End at the local uni bar. We probably wouldn't have gone if not for the whole Sam thing. As you know, The Living End was Sam's favourite band, and I had said that I would go the next time they were here. If Sam was alive, he definitely would have been there with me (it was over 18s, but we would have worked something out!), but it was good having James there, as he gets it. So once again, it was a good night tinged with sadness. It was a pretty good night, they always play well and they played enough of their old music to get most of the crowd involved.

I also spent last Saturday night being extremely wicked at the Hen's Night of a good friend: drinks, dancing, strippers, you know - the usual. You know, despite the horror of finding myself at Mooseheads (check out the photo!), it was actually fun, and a bit of an ego boost, as many boys came up and tried it on with me, and not just the ugly desperate ones!
It was a great night in which I (of course) had a bit too much to drink, which was a bit silly as the next day Oliver and I were due to take part in the annual Canberra Times Family Walk. 


Luckily, I was spared any sign of a hangover and we had a pleasant (if very cold) 5km walk around the lake. It's the second year we've done it (my friend Deb went too with her daughter Lucy), and it's lots of fun for a good cause (The Heart Foundation).

Phew! It's no wonder I've had no time for blogging! I will try to get back in here regularly, but it doesn't look like slowing down. We're going on a holiday soon (robbers beware, our house will be inhabited), plus it's not only social season (have you noticed that the social engagements seem to pile up when the weather starts to warm up?), but it's birthday season around our place. This month we've got Anthony's mum's 60th (it was on Tuesday but we're having lunch on Sunday); then in October we've got Oliver and Anthony(40!), as well as Anthony's brother Tim; then in November we've got Anthony's brothers Phil and Christopher and foster sister Ange; and finally in December there's James, my Dad and me! Lots of cake. Not so good for me who is now on a no-cake diet!

Actually, that's the other thing. My doctor told me the other day that I'm 'this close' to diabetes. So I'm going to lose some weight. No, I really am! It may well take up the bulk of my future posts.

So until the next one, much love to you.

Time for an overhaul

What's that? I hear you say...Isn't that what she's been doing for the last 18 months?
Well, yes and no. I have been doing a little 'life' overhauling: changing my job, my motivators and my attitude (but sadly not my waistline). Overall, it's been great, and I'm happy about the direction my life is taking (except for the obvious big hole that I now have in my life).

But no, when I say it's time for an overhaul, I'm talking about my blog.
Let's face it, the original reason for starting this blog has kinda run its course. That's not to say I am now magically cured of the grief that I have carried all this time, it's just that the things that I used to post about it here are no longer quite so dominating.

My mum suggested that I close the chapter of the 'grieving mother' part of my blog, and begin a new one. I've got almost enough in there for a little book, and there may come a time that I turn it all into one. But she's right. It's a good idea I think.

I've asked you (my dear, loyal, and lately neglected readers) before just what I should be plonking in here, and you have kindly furnished me with suggestions.

Many of which I hope to take up. Some of the more 'writery' figures in the world say that we should 'write what we know'. For me, that's both easy and incredibly difficult. Easy, because there's lots of stuff that I like, but difficult because there's so much bloody stuff that I like! TRicky to narrow it down...

So, you'll probably notice some changes over the coming months. Perhaps some regular posts, like my movie reviews, some of my everlasting battle with my bulge (oh yeah, it's coming!), not so much about work (though I do have another blog based around that stuff - I do get it to it very occasionally), lots about Oliver and his adventures, and maybe even some music and photography (I'm sure spring will bring out my inner photographer again - at least I hope so!). And of course there will always be that odd moment when it all becomes too much, or something sparks a wonderful memory of my beautiful boy.

I thank you, fine people, for the time you have shared with me. Some of it's been...well, shitty, but I've always appreciated that there were people there that were there with me, that shared it with me. It's hard to explain but having you here with me has been a big part of my healing.
I know some of you are probably here because of the grief stuff, and I'll understand if you don't love the new stuff, but I hope you'll check in occasionally.

Stay tuned for come changes...

Mellie at the Movies

I've seen a couple of movies in the last week. So I thought I'd pile my reviews up for you...

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

I must admit that on going in to this movie, my expectations were fairly low. The last 'apes' movie was in part responsible for this, much as I love the eternal sookiness of Mr. Wahlberg. Even the fact that the wonderful Tim Burton directed it didn't make it as wonderful as they would have hoped.
Anyway, I was a little apprehensive, but interested to see it after hearing a couple of good reviews.
Thankfully, I was pleasantly surprised. I thought it was a pretty good movie.

The basic premise is that Will (James Franco) adopts an chimpanzee (Caesar) orphaned during lab testing. The chimp is ultra-intelligent but eventually makes a mistake that leads to interaction with other apes. It's the precursor to the Charlton Heston film, so we all know what's going to happen, but it's still an interesting ride.

The acting was probably one of the only areas of the film that brought my rating down, as well as some of the side-story (the romance wasn't especially sparkly).  James Franco was OK, if not a little subdued. Brian Cox was his usual gruff self, with Tom Felton (a little overstretched on the American accent I thought) and Jamie Harris (good in a small role) playing his offsiders. John Lithgow, as his father with Alzheimer's was solid, as always.  

The CGI is first-class, with Andy Serkis providing some amazing work as the basis of Caesar's intelligent chimp. You can tell it's CGI, but you don't really care, because it's done so well. The scenes with the animals are well put together, and the climactic action scene is clever and well-shot.

There were a couple of little plot holes, but overall I found it an engaging story that found a way to tell a story (that we all know the ending of) without making it too unbelievable or unsympathetic for anyone involved. I don't want to give any more away than that, but I thought the end moments were quite well handled.

I'd give this one 4 out of 5.

Paul

This one is new to DVD, and we'd been keen to see it for a while (we couldn't take Oli to see it at the movies as it's MA, but he totally handled the swearing and mild drug references that were obviously the main reason for rating it this way).

Paul is about two British nerds who are travelling the 'alien trail' in the U.S, when they meet Paul, an alien on the run.

I do love this kind of humour. I loved Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead, which were also co-written by Simon Pegg. There's just something about British humour that gets me. It's the uptight-ness I think (if you haven't seen Death at a Funeral - the British version - please do!).

Anyway, the performances are good comedy: from Seth Rogan's gorgeous portrayal of Paul, to the absolute geekiness of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, to the idiotic fanatacism of Kristen Wiig's religious girl and Jason Bateman's always reliable straight man. He's actually even a little evil. The only let down was Sigourney Weaver. Her portrayal is flat and boring and doesn't add much to the comedy.

The effects that created Paul are clever, but that's not what the movie's about. It's a fun story with lots of laugh-out-loud moments. A good one for a relaxing Saturday night.

4 out of 5.

Mawage

When I was young, I thought it would be nice to get married. The romance, the ring, the big shindig and the tropical honeymoon...
I guess like (almost) any young girl, it seemed so romantic and wonderful. Movies with men sweeping pretty young things off their feet didn't do anything to hurt my semi-fantasies either.
As time went on and I started seeing a bit more of the world (and the ways that people could truly hurt each other if they wanted to), the sheen started to wear off a bit. My parents were always good marriage role models (they've been married 40 years), but there were plenty of people around me that marriage didn't agree with.

When I got myself knocked up and decided that I'd stick with Anthony for a while, he pretty much vetoed marriage right from the start. I don't know what it was, perhaps growing up in a single parent family, but he just didn't want to do it. Perhaps at the time he didn't want to commit to anything, but he's also pretty introverted, and would feel fairly uncomfortable when involved in any public display of affection.

At first I was worried about it - I'd always thought it would be nice for my dad to walk me down the aisle, but after a while I forgot about it. We spent some money buying a house instead (which was a pretty good move - just the unimproved land value is worth three times what we paid for it!)

We've been together nearly 17 years (I know, I know, I've heard it before: 'you get more time for murder'). In that time, I've seen more than one marriage fail. There are people that I know who are on their second. Or third.

So now, when I see all the fuss that gets made about marriage, I wonder why we (the societal we) do make such a fuss about it? Many people don't enter into marriage with the conviction that it will be lifelong. And then you have the people who want to get married but that aren't permitted by our laws to do it.

Oh, weddings are nice I guess, if you've got the money and lots of friends. I'm even going to one this year which will no doubt be lovely. I'm all for it if that's what people want to do. In fact, for many people the best part of a marriage is possibly the wedding!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that as an institution, marriage is changing. There are some who would have us believe that it still means the same as it did 500 years ago, but I beg to differ.
So why can't we change it? Make it a bit more fun. If it's not going to be permanent, then perhaps we could shake it up a bit, make it more exciting. And allow anyone to do it. If that's what they want.

What do you think? Did you get married? Was it worth it?

And while I'm on the subject, did you hear about the folks in the U.S who  started a petition calling for Sesame Street's Bert and Ernie to get married?
Is it just me, or is this just silly?
They're so totally not gay. If they were, I'd be all for the marriage (the best wedding I've ever been to was a lesbian/pagan handfast thingy), but they're not gay. But gee people are making a fuss about it!

I think Armistead Maupin summed it up quite well actually:
"The folks who fret that a wedding between Bert and Ernie would "sexualize" a kids' show were remarkably silent about a frog porking a pig."

What do you think about it all?

Blocked

Just wanted to let you know I'm still here. Just a little blocked at the moment.
Stick with it folks, I'll be back...