It's two months today since Samuel left us. Sometimes it still doesn't feel real. So much has happened in that two months. Some of it is good (but always tinged with a little bit of sadness), and most days we are smiling more than we are crying. But it's still hard. So many things I want but at the same time don't want.
It's hard seeing teenagers, but all I want to do is spend time with them.
It's hard listening to music, but even harder not doing it.
It's hard looking at photos but I want to surround myself with them.
It's hard sitting around not doing anything, but some days that's all I want to do.
We spent time with some of our family today, and that was nice.
Next Friday is Sam's birthday. We don't know what to do, or what's even the right thing to do. Is there a right thing to do? (I've asked that question before)
So we've invited people to come around. That seems to be a nice way to spend time, and I think Samuel would appreciate it. Some drinks, nice food, a cake...we hope that maybe some of his friends can come and sit in his room or write on the mural or something, but maybe it's too soon for them. I guess we'll see how it turns out.