Halloween

I've never been really big on Halloween. Until a couple of years ago, I was under the (incorrect) assumption that is was a dumb American tradition that didn't deserve a look in.
For the last couple of years, I've kept lollies aside for the night, and have had a couple of trick-or-treaters come to the door (mainly Sam's friends).

This year, I thought I'd like to get involved. For obvious reasons, I'm fairly down about Christmas, and thought it would be nice to make a fuss about something else. After all, it's about the dead - honouring the good spirits and scaring off the bad ones. Also, I do like to dress up!

One of Oliver's friend's mum (check out her blog if you like) invited us over for a Halloween party. We got a little bit excited about it, and got all dressed up. Oliver as Dracula:
And me as a witch:
We had fun at the party; there's something cool about being around people (adults, kids and teens) that are dressed up in funky stuff and are just relaxing.

Oliver was going trick-or-treating with his nanna tonight, and I was kind of hoping we'd get a few kids here too. I picked up a couple of big pumpkins for $3 each (reduced from $20) and we carved them this afternoon. This is Ollie's:
His and the one Anthony made looked very cool in the dark with candles burning within:
But sadly, I only received one little visitor, and that was my neighbour's granddaughter.

I'm a little disappointed, but I guess Halloween hasn't caught on yet. Still, it was fun, and we've got a big stash of lollies here now!

Take the bad with the good

It's been one of those weeks of mixed emotion.

I've had lots of nice stuff going on: some inspiring and challenging days at work, Powderfinger concert, and of course Oliver's birthday yesterday. But all of them have been tinged with sadness that Sam's not here to share them.

Sam would have loved the way education seems to be headed (at least where I'm currently sitting!): exciting new collaboration tools; online stuff that makes learning much more relevant and interesting; more autonomy for kids; etc...
We've had Stephen Heppell (an education/technology 'guru') here for the last couple of days sharing some interesting stories with us. As I sat there hearing about wonderful places around the world doing amazing things with education, I was also thinking of how much Sam would have enjoyed visiting these places with me. I miss my travel buddy!

Then, Powderfinger was pretty amazing. It was the first time I'd been to a concert that was being recorded for DVD, and it was so cool! The band was on-form, the crowd was pumped up and having lots of fun.

Oliver's birthday has been nice. I think he's enjoyed it. He had his family party last Sunday, with way too much food (I can't help it, I'm a feeder!); lots of presents and a lovely time with family.

On Thursday it was his actual birthday, with more presents, a cake at school, Goodberry's with his grandparents and then dinner at the club (he wore his suit of course!).

Tomorrow (I started this post on Wednesday but am finishing it on Saturday!) is his other birthday party. I'm attempting a 'Tardis' cake, hopefully I'll be able to pull it off!

It was sad having a family birthday with no Sam. He loved parties (especially the yummy food!), and was always good at entertaining people, getting them drinks and helping out (sometimes under sufferance, but usually without complaint!)

Also, the older Oliver gets, the more he looks like Sam. Not all the time; there's just the odd moment when we really see Sam in him. It's not bad I guess, but it is hard sometimes, depending on our mood at the time.

Anyway, gotta get organised. More later.

The Party Season

Time to kick off the party season...

Today, we're having Oliver's first 'party' for his birthday week. Today's family for afternoon tea (always way too much food but lots of fun!); Thursday's his actual (7th) birthday, and then next Sunday's his real party (with friends).

We could have both of them on the same weekend, but as Anthony has 4 brothers, family things are never small. It's best to separate them a bit so that Oliver doesn't become completely overtired and feral!

Just over a week later, Anthony's brother Tim has his birthday, and then it's Anthony's the next day. No parties here, but we'll all get together for breakfast.

Then, in early November, Anthony's brother Phil, (foster) sister Ange, and brother Christopher have their birthdays one after the other (3 days in a row). I must say, Anthony's mum was very organised in that way!

Then in December, there's James (Anthony's younger brother), then a week later it's my dad's, then 3 days later it's my birthday. (I'm trying not to think too much about what comes after that).

So as you can see, we're in for a busy 3 months, and that's just birthdays! Don't even get me started on work, home, etc etc!!

I'll be back later for an udpate. I think it will be a nice day though!

Mother's Day

I'm not sure I want Mother's Day. I've been sitting here for a while, thinking about Sam and getting sad, so I thought I'd blog for a while.

Mother's Day hasn't really crossed my mind much this week. Perhaps because I've been so busy. There hadn't been much a sense of dread or anticipation. Until yesterday. I started to think about it a bit yesterday (and obviously others did too, as when I got back from my photography expedition there was a pot of little paper daisies (I think) sitting on the bench waiting for me.

But last night at the engagement party, I really started to feel it. The speeches were what really set me off; I started to think about how I'd never see Sam get engaged. Then some of the people I was sitting with started talking about what a pain kids were, and how they'd never have them, or only wanted babies, but not kids. Of course all I could think about was how much I'd like to see mine. As painful as he was sometimes, he was also pretty awesome.
So by the time I got home, I was a little melancholy. I posted about it on Facebook, and got some lovely messages from people, which helped a bit. I'm glad people are still tuned in enough to do that for me (thank you!). This morning, it's not so bad (perhaps the alcohol I'd consumed had switched my emotions into hyperdrive), but it still hurts. I'm glad I'll be busy all day.

Every Mother's Day I wake up before everyone else. I'm a morning person; tuned to wake up at a certain time, and it doesn't change on the weekends. I might get out of bed a little later, but once I'm awake, I can't just roll over and go back to sleep. For a few years, each Mother's Day I stubbornly waited in bed for everyone else to get up, hoping for some breakfast in bed, or at least a coffee. But the rest of my family are night owls, and like to sleep in, so a while ago I realised that it was never going to change; that I probably wasn't ever going to have the 'kids on the bed' Mother's Day that I'd always had with my parents. Once I figured that out, I enjoyed creating new traditions with my family.

Not that we had any traditions, really. For the past few years, Sam had made me a card and has been getting Ollie to sign it since he was able (I'll have to dig some of them out). We'll often go out somewhere - for a picnic or to the markets, somewhere that I choose. And I never cook. We usually go out with my parents for dinner, and sometimes we do breakfast with Anthony's family, so there's always good food and company involved too.

I've never made a huge deal about Mother's Day. I've always told my family not to bother too much with presents (although I secretly do love getting them!), they just had to be nice to me (all of them), get along (the kids), and maybe give me a massage (Anthony). Sometimes they manage all that plus a pressie, sometimes they manage none of it. :) It's OK though, because the rest of the year, they show me in lots of ways that they love me and appreciate me.

My little family and I have never been all that great at 'Hallmark Days'. We make a big fuss about birthdays, but as I've posted before, we don't really do too much at Christmas and Easter. We don't even acknowledge Valentines Day or Halloween, and Mothers/Fathers Days are fairly low key (as I've described above). For the most part, I'm of the opinion that you should be able to celebrate your loved ones any day of the year, and these days seem mainly geared towards big spending (I know it's hypocritical to criticise this after I've just said I like presents, but don't worry, I'll be able to live with myself!).

Having also worked with people, and then as a teacher for a while now, I have seen the impact these days can have on those who don't fit the traditional mould. I've seen the lonely people celebrating Christmas or Easter at the movies, or at the club. I wonder how a kid who's lost their mum feels when everyone's talking about Mother's Day? What about the kid who never knew their Dad? And what about the woman who desperately wants to have kids, but can't?

Or the mum who's lost their child.

I don't really want to celebrate Mother's Day. I know that I still have one child, and maybe things will change in time, but for now I'm content to be cynical about it. Samuel turned me into a mother, perhaps before I was ready, but he made me the mum that I am now. I don't want to celebrate being a mother without him.

Easter? Nah...

Can you believe Easter is here already?

Not that I'm all that big on Easter. I've never been all that interested (except when I was a kid and chocolate was EVERYTHING!)
In fact, if it wasn't for the fact that I bowed to popular opinion and refused to risk having my kids ostracised at school for not believing in Santa/Easter Bunny, I would not celebrate either 'holiday'.

As it is, both are fairly low-key/non-traditional around here.
I go for a minimalist approach at Easter; occasionally hiding eggs, but that's about it.
Our Christmas tree is a grass tree dragged in off the deck (which strangely enough died this year, not long after Christmas), and we try to place more of an emphasis on people, not stuff. This does not always work, as one of my favourite things is giving people gifts, and I love to see the look on my kid's faces when I spoil them (but hey, I don't think Christmas is the only time I do that!)

I've never really got Easter. I know the story of resurrection etc, but I'm not really sure where chocolate and big white bunnies comes into it. As an atheist, I always feel a little uncomfortable celebrating Christmas; as it seems a little hypocritical. But Easter doesn't even seem to be celebrated as a religious holiday - more of a commercialised/obesity promoting day...

So, unlike Sam's birthday, and Mother's Day (coming up), Easter doesn't pull too many heartstrings for me. I'm sad of course (that never goes away), and enjoyed using him as an accomplice in the hiding eggs game, but it's not one of those 'holidays' that I anticipate for weeks ahead.

Having said that, tomorrow I am going to (try to) make some yummy home-made hot cross buns, and I think that will be the thing that gets me.
Why?
1, because Samuel loved hot cross buns, and
2, because Samuel was becoming a great cook. And I think this is something we would have done together.
We'll see how it goes.

Also tomorrow we're going to meet up with some family/friends, and have a egg hunt and fish dinner. (No, I don't normally stick to fish on Good Friday as a rule, we're just doing it because it's a good excuse to have a get together with people we love).
Samuel would have enjoyed that too. Despite being a teenager, he always enjoyed time with the family. We all miss him.

Another one down

Tonight we went to Skyfire.

For those of you who don't live in Canberra, Skyfire is an annual fireworks show set to music. It has been going for 22 years, and takes place every March, ostensibly as part of the celebrations for Canberra Day, but I think it is more a commercial enterprise these days. (Actually, I could be wrong, maybe it was never for Canberra Day, but it is around the same time).

I have missed one Skyfire night since I first went, aged 14. I missed it because I was still in hospital after having Samuel.

Samuel always said that Canberra put on a fireworks show for his birthday. In the last couple of years he had been bringing a friend with him, and they'd put on a bit of a show of indifference, but I think he (they) still secretly enjoyed the spectacle. Last year, he recorded the whole thing on his phone.

Every time we go, there are groups of teens drinking hiding in shadows, carrying on, but I really don't think that Samuel would have ever been one of those (I guess it wouldn't have helped that we were always going to be there as well). He would have gone off with his friends, yes, but I don't think he would have gotten too much into the whole drinking/drug-taking thing. For one thing, he just didn't like drawing attention to himself, but mainly just because he was a good boy.

So we determined (once again) to carry on with the events we had always done when Sam was here, like the Christmas/birthday/holidays we have already struggled through (blogged here and here).

This one wasn't so bad. We'd spent a lovely afternoon at Meg's place: chatting, laughing, watching the kids get up to mischief, and by the time we drove to the lake I'd consumed multiple beers and was feeling very happy.
We picked up Laura on the way, and off we all went. We had Jack with us too, and by the time we met up with Lorraine (Anthony's mum) and Christopher, we had a nice little group going.

It was the same as any other Skyfire we'd been to. Too much Lady GaGa music (I really can't stomach that horrible creature), but otherwise a great, fun evening. There was a moment when the fireworks first started that I thought I might cry, but I didn't, and it ended up being a nice evening.

It was a very warm night, the only Skyfire I can remember that we didn't need to rug up. We all said that perhaps it was a gift from Sam. Once again, contradicting all my beliefs, but it was a nice thought.