Monday, June 14, 2010

The Black Dog

I have a very long and intimate connection with depression.
And that's why I know I'm possibly on the way there...

After Samuel was born, I suffered from Post-natal depression. It wasn't severe, and I recovered quickly (it wasn't even until afterward that I knew what it was).

A bit later on (but before Oliver) I had proper, diagnosed depression, but once again, it wasn't too serious. I was never medicated or anything, just made aware of it.

Then, just last year, a counsellor told me I had 'depletion depression' - that is, depression caused by being a 'super mum' and being all things to all people.

And then of course, there's Anthony's depression. Not something I'm particularly interested in rehashing here, but back in 2006 we went through a pretty rough time when he had a fairly serious breakdown.

So I guess you could say that I'm familiar with depression, and all that comes along with it. I know how it feels, and I know how hard it is to live with.

So when I started feeling sad, worthless, listless, hopeless...(etc) I knew that I'd probably be better off paying attention to my mental health.

So I'll go and see a doctor this week. Don't worry readers (especially you mum and dad!), I'm aware of it, so that's gotta mean something, doesn't it?? This is, after all, an honest representation of my life (and my grief journey), so I do need to be honest, don't I??



  1. Dearest girl, take heart in the fact that you are speaking about it, and know what it is. The scary part is not realising it! You're too good to go under, so keep that smile going, and we'll all get through this.
    luv Dad

  2. Being aware of it is the first step, seeking help is the next. We will continue to support you through this and know that we love you. Laura

  3. you constantly amaze me with your resilience Mel.


  4. Wow, you are truly amazing :)
    I know how terrified I was when I needed to see a psychologist a couple of years ago (lost control of the ADD and anxiety). You're an amazing inspiration Mel xx actually a MIND BOGGLING inspiration!!!!

  5. Thanks everyone. Sometimes I don't feel so resilient. But I am so happy to have such wonderfully supportive family, friends and readers!

  6. Thank You Mel, for sharing your self so unselfishly with "us". It is very brave but liberating journey you are on. I truly believe in mental health days as I do in not letting depression define you (by yourself or
    anyone else!!!!!) but acknowledging that it does exist and taking some time to nurture yourself and ask for help if needed. Bravo Mel. Hayley F.


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