Thursday, April 22, 2010


It's 4 months today since we lost Sam. In some ways it feels like 4 years; in others, like it was yesterday.

He's always right there in my head, from the minute I wake up until I go to sleep again. He's the first thought I have when I wake up. Everything reminds me of him. It's not always sad though, which is kind of good, because I think I'd be actively trying to forget, and I never want to do that.

My cousin, who is about 4 months younger than Sam, reminds me of him a bit too. In a lot of ways they are completely different, but they are similar in their teenage-ness (and Calvin has lovely blonde curls too!). While we have been staying with him and his family, he and Oliver have been alternating between having a lot of fun together and annoying each other (well actually, Ollie's doing all the annoying!). It reminds me so much of my boys together when Sam was alive. It hasn't been too upsetting though. It's nice for Ollie to have that 'big brother time' again.

I'm really wishing I went home yesterday, so that I could be with Anthony now. I'm glad I'll see him this afternoon.


  1. I didn't remember that Wednesday was the 22nd, but we had Anthony 'round for dinner, and had a nice Chinese meal. It was very pleasant and Jezz was here and Anthony seemed quite at ease, and looking forward to you two being home.
    The underlying pain about Sam will always be there, but I guess with time, we just have to get on and do stuff. Mum and I are so glad you saw so many of the family, because that's important too.

  2. Thinking of u guys. We miss Sam every day too. Love Laura


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