Thursday, July 22, 2010

Another month passes

Why do I keep marking the months as they pass? It doesn't serve a specific purpose I guess, but I guess in a way it helps.

Outwardly, we are seeming more and more 'normal' every day. Well, not normal, perhaps less 'sad'.
But readers, I do want you to know that even though on the outside we are getting on with things, there are still moments of sadness. They are more private now, relegated to dark, night-time moments, or brief periods when a memory intrudes. But they are still there. They always will be I guess.

7 months later and there is still not much progress on a permanent memorial. We haven't really been inspired by and ideas yet, and still don't like the idea of leaving Sam in a cemetery. I think we will probably always keep his ashes with us, but I also think it's important (for me anyway) to have a public place that other people can visit. I just don't know what. A bench or something somewhere might be nice, but where?

I think we're all going to have to support Oliver a bit too in the coming weeks and years. Outwardly he is fine, but I do get glimpses of the sadness inside him. He is a lot more sensitive than he was before; I was a bit cranky when I got home last night, and he copped a bit of a mouthful. Very bad on my part, I know, and I apologised straight away, but I could see that he was quite upset.
He's also very lonely. As I've already said, he was quite clingy during the holidays, wanting to spend every minute with me. He jumps at every opportunity to spend time with someone else, and is finding it hard to play on his own (harder than it used to be anyway).

Apart from the days immediately following Sam's death, Oliver hasn't really shown much emotion. Perhaps it's coming? Whatever happens though, we'll be here for him.

Miss you Sam.


  1. Hey Mel, I worry about Oli too, he knows that Sam died, but is perhaps too young to fully grasp and express the emotional affect on him. We love spending time with him (as we did with Samuel)and will endevour to do so as much as possible. Really looking forward to taking him to the footy, it's good just to hang out. It breaks my heart to think of him being lonely, poor little guy.

    I am sure something will come to you about a memorial for Sam, it might just take some time for the right idea to arrive. In the meantime, there is the mural and all that knew him speak his name and hold him in our hearts to remember him.

    Laura xoxo

  2. Hi Mel,
    I think Dayne is very similar to Oli. He knows what's happened and he gets emotional about things that never used to phase him, but he keeps a lot of the saddness in and I think it'll come out slowly over the years, unlike us adults and my 12 year old daughter who are more immediate in our understanding and grief. One good thing though, is that when Dayne does gets sad, he can pick himself up out of it fairly quickly. He doesn't stay in a depressed mood 24/7, he just has moments of it then goes back up again.
    It is hard to know what to do in terms of a memorial, hey? Having our child pass away is such a hard concept to get our heads around in the first place, let alone creating a memorial- nothing seems to be "right" and enough. But I hope that something comes to you that just feels right and that you can have some peace in your decision. xxx


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