Like today, he was watching a kid's show about Greek gods. He said "when we die and turn into gods (he pronounces it 'gourds'), we'll meet Samuel, 'cause Samuel's a god now".
What do you say to something like that??? I just said, "well we don't really know what will happen."
And then there's the stuff that makes me sad. Last night, when he was getting into bed, he talked about the game he and Samuel had played on the Monday before Sam died (something to do with Sam chasing him and whacking him with a rolled up newspaper. I guess we can't say what's fun for him). He said 'I really wanted to play that game with Sam today'. Then I had to say that Sam wasn't here and he couldn't play that game any more, he'd have to play other kinds of games.
Ollie has some interesting theories about Sam. A couple of times he has said that Sam has another home now, and he's got all his stuff with him, and he's referred to Sam as a god (not an angel) a couple of times.
Lately, Ollie's been doing stuff that could be a little concerning. I'm not sure if it's his grief manifesting in strange ways, or if it's normal 6 year old behaviour, but there have been some things that may worry me if they go on.
He's still wetting the bed at night (well, actually, the night-time nappy), not just once in a while, but soaked, every night. I'm not too worried, as he's only six, but he had been having some dry nights last year.
He's been very muddle-headed: last week, he wore his shorts back-to-front two days in a row (I think one of those days he even had his shoes on the wrong feet as well).
He's forgetting to do things: hand notes in at school, do stuff he was asked to do only minutes before.
Today he got into trouble at school. He was spitting water on people, and he kicked some girl's lunch box away from her. Small stuff, but not what I'd expect from him.
Of course, all this could be nothing, but if all of it continues, I might look into getting someone to talk to him. I can see that he might start to fall behind at school if we're not careful - his handwriting's pretty rough and he's finding some of the stuff he's bringing home for homework pretty challenging. We don't want to push him too much - we know how motivation levels can go up and down for us as well - but at the same time, we want him to progress. Things will be even worse if he falls behind and has to catch up.
Of course, all of this could just be normal behaviour, but I can't help but worry a little. It's funny how everything is so much more important now.
I know he doesn't love school all the time. On Friday, when I was trying to get him up out of bed we had this conversation. I think it sums up his current attitude to school:
Ollie: I don't want to go to school today mum.
Me: Why? What's happening at school that makes you not want to go?
Ollie: Work.
Needless to say, I sent him packing. Hopefully he'll find his mojo again some time....
sounds like a typical 6 year old to me!
ReplyDeleteI guess you are just hyper sensitive to those sorts of things now that there might be a reason behind it.
i think just keep doing what your doing, monitor and if things get worse then perhaps seek some help.
Thanks Deb. I think I am just being hyper sensitive. He is pretty normal, and has lots of wonderful moments too. I'll have to put some of them in.
ReplyDeleteI think Deb is right and all we have to do is try and maintain as much of a sense of normality as possible. All Ollie saw on that dreadful day, were lots of adults in various forms of distress. He was scared out of his wits, and it will be difficult for him to convey lots of things the way we adults do. If any of his recent "problems" are as a result of his grief, we are at least aware, and can help him through it.
ReplyDeleteMel,
ReplyDeleteI agree - sounds like typical 6 year old behaviour. Any Dr will tell you not to worry about bed wetting until at least 7 years old.
And some days, I want to kick people's lunchboxes. You can't expect a 6 year old to control that kind of behaviour!!
Sounds to me like you, Anthony and Ollie are all acting admirably in the circumstances. (and you are such a good mum for being on the look out for possible distress with Ollie)
Lorraine
xx
Mel,
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't worry too much about these issues with Ollie, David is having similar problems and it is still an arguement every morning to get him ready for school. You and Anthony are doing a wonderful job helping Ollie through this.
You are right to keep a close eye on him, but based on our 6 year old boy, these seem pretty normal problems. If you ever need us, you know where we are - I will let you know when we are getting the retaining walls put up at our place - if Ollie is anything like David he will enjoy watching the earth moving equipment.
Esther & Scott